Week 13 Recap: Zero Hour

-Fifteen points, are you ****ing me?-

One week left in the regular season and our authors are furiously scrambling to prepare for the playoffs. What went down in Week 13? Well, don't just stand there! Get's some pants on and let's go get the lowdown!

Cole

Current Standing: 10-3, 1st Overall

A disappointing week for Ray Rice means I picked up a loss to fall to 10-3. But I still clinched the best record since Gi and Mark both lost, leaving them both at 8-5 with one week left. Not that it means anything but, hey, it's kinda nice. I was hoping I could at least wreak havoc with the playoff picture by throwing my game against Alex, who went into this week tied for the wild card lead at 6-6 and was down two with only his kicker left last night. Unfortunately, the Baltimore kicker gave him only two, giving him a tie and meaning he can't reach the 8-6 record he'll need to make the playoffs anyway. This makes my game extremely uninteresting, unless of course Rob and Aunt Deb tie.

Meanwhile, I am obliged to acknowledge the thrashing I experienced in my other league. Tip your cap to Ted, who beat me handily in the other league despite Adrian Peterson scoring a measly five points. You win this round, Hall. Actually, given how soundly I was beaten, you'll probably win the next round too, if there is one. Damn.

In actual football news, it was a weird week for Saints fans, as they saw their team let the Washington Redskins (?!) put up 30 points in three quarters and drive down for a game-winning 23-yard field goal. Except they missed the field goal, the Saints scored a touchdown in something like 30 seconds, and went on to win in overtime. Cajuns everywhere are choking on their boudin. This is, historically, one of the most unlucky franchises in professional sports. Gifts like that don't happen for the Saints, they happen TO the Saints, but this team has already won at least three or four games they should have lost. You only hope it catches up to them in the regular season and not in the playoffs, where a one-week letdown means disappointment.

The Candy Lineup Performance of the Week returns, as it conveniently disappeared just as I was due to get raked over the coals. The Himalayan Walking Shoes put up 102 points, but could've had a few more, had they chosen to sit either Chris Brown (26 total yards, a TD, and an interception) or Devin Hester (44 total yards) for Brandon Jacobs, who scord an impressive 22 points thanks in large part to a 74-yard touchdown that I can only assume was a screen pass gone horribly right. So the choice for you, readers, is between Brown (vs Seattle) or Jacobs (vs Philly). Leave your choice in the comments.

RWPilk

Current Standing: 7-6, 5th overall

I won this week and retained my spot in the standings. I love this league.

That aside, the headline is I won. And scored well doing it; the one-two punch I need if I'm to have a shot to play past next week. One more week to go... and I'm all a-quiver.

Last week I made a record of how the CBS Guru thought my players would do. Alright, Guru. Do that voodoo, that you do, really really poorly (second number is actual Week 13 stat).

QB Brees 21 / 26
RB McCoy 15 / 2
RB Sproles 2 / 13
WR Wayne 14 / 4
WR Austin 13 / 16
TE Boss 10 / 2
WR Marshall 14 / 15
K Gould 11 / 5
DST Packers 7 / 21

Fine, Guru. Kudos for ballparkin' the total, but your individual picks remind me of a bunch of blind paraplegics doing a Navy SEAL obstacle course. It's good to know that the "experts" and I share a similar strategy in fantasy sports: guessing. Whatever happens here at SSFA!, I'll chalk that up as a point for RWPilk's fantasy sports theory. -chalk squeaks-

I'm looking that the standings, and I'm not liking what I see. The fate of the Sweet Fancy Moses may rest with a heart blacker than Michael Jackson. Young Michael Jackson. You know, "ABC". Or when he turned into that panther. That panther was pretty black. Alright, but more on that next week. In the meantime kids, practice your cowering.

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2009 NFL Preview: Saved by the Saints

-"You can stop the flexing, soldier. I've heard good things."-

Cole

Ah, training camp. When a young man's love turns to fantasy, and fans of every team -- okay, fine, not every team -- entertain visions of Lombardi Trophies and victory parades.

As a fan of the Saints, I'm irrationally optimistic, even though the New Orleans defense hasn't done nearly enough to improve on its woeful performance last year. But even if the Saints disappoint yet again, and Sean Payton does even more to shed the "genius" label he picked up in 2006, it's hard not to like the Saints for fantasy purposes. Here's why:

We have a real kicker now. No more of the special teams debacle that cost the Saints multiple games last year. Since taking over the kicking duties in Week 9, rookie Garrett Hartley went a perfect 13-for-13 on FGs and 28-for-28 on XPs, good for third among kickers over that span. The high-powered offense will give him plenty of opportunities, and his 10 games in domes will make his job easier than, say, Lawrence Tynes in the Meadowlands.

That one guy Drew Brees. Can Peyton Manning adjust to the new coach and offensive coordinator in Indy? Will Tom Brady go deeper into the season than the eight minutes he survived last year? Can Kurt Warner throw another 600 passes without his arm falling off? Those are all good questions that I'm sure everyone will talk about ad nauseum leading up to Labor Day, but the real question is, how stupid will you look if you pick another quarterback with Brees still on the board? As always, there's no such thing as a 100 percent sure thing, but this guy's pretty close.

Marques Colston will regress. It's not just for baseball rookies suffering from the infamous "sophomore jinx". I admit: I was one of the poor saps that picked Colston early, only to watch him go on the DL in Week 1, and then underperform for weeks on his return. But his second half was in line with his previous two years, and he posted his best-ever YPC (16.2), so there's plenty of reason to believe he'll return to his previous spot as Drew Brees' favorite target.

A sweet schedule. The bad news: New Orleans' 8-8 record was last in the NFC South last season. The good news: this year's team gets a last-place schedule as a result. That means games against the Rams and Lions. Add that to four games against the rebuilding Bucs and the offense-minded Falcons. Even their games against the AFC East are a good opportunity, playing at Buffalo in September, the weak secondary of the Jets, and the New England Retirees Patriots. Plus, they're not scheduled to play at Chicago in December for the fourth straight year. That'll be a nice change.

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