Showing posts with label jets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jets. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

This Whole Post Bothers Me

- "Coach, your daughter's five. You could've at least stopped blocking her shots." -


Cole
Current Standing: 11-4, Embarrassed in the First Round

The Sunday afternoon tilt between the New York Jets and the undefeated Indianapolis Colts was broadcast throughout much of the country on CBS. So if you're like me and tried to get escape the familial obligations with a little pigskin, then some big drunk uncle took the remote while you were getting more egg biscuits and started watching Jeff Dunham. Pain in the ass.

But I'm going to assume that you were more viligant than I, and that you saw head coach Jim Caldwell channel his inner Jim Mora and pull his starters in the third quarter against a Jets team fighting for its playoff life. The Colts, leading 15-10 at the time, allowed 19 unanswered points and lost 29-15.

Now, there's two ways to look at this. The gut reaction of the sports blogger is to criticize, so let's touch on that first: by sitting his starters, Caldwell does a disservice to the history of the NFL by not continuing to strive for perfection. And let's not forget the fans who paid in body parts for seats at Lucas Oil Stadium to see the Colts' B-squad. No wonder they were mad. If this were Philly, we'd be talking about the poor decision of the late Jim Caldwell.

Of course, the counterargument is that by resting his starters, Caldwell prevented a horrific, season-ending injury to Peyton Manning that would have resulted in more time spent filming commercials. So really, we should be thanking him for that. Plus we don't have to listen to Mercury Morris talk about the damn kids in his neighborhood again.

But that's all pretty hackneyed, and if we're going to recycle jokes, we might as well go whole hog:



Aah. Look at that sweet Zapruder-style footage.

Honestly, this whole post may have been an excuse to link to that video again. But let me leave with this: the running joke on Jim Caldwell was that no one knew that he was actually coaching (or, for that matter, awake) during Colts games.

Well, they know he's awake now.
Read more...

Friday, September 18, 2009

Week 2 Preview: Hold the Mayo!

-No! Don't leave me!-

The war over fantasy sports theory rages on as Cole and RWPilk dive head-first and nose-plugged into the icy waters of Week 2. Let's go to them now and see who can talk the most trash about this week's match-ups! ... And don't forget to check out our teams and cast a vote in our DRAFT POLL, immediately to your right!


RWPilk
Current Standing: 1-0, Tied for 2nd Overall

Another weekend already upon us? Times flies when you're kicking ass. Nah, it's too early to tell, but it's hard not to feel a little comfortable considering my team's performance last week. Drew Brees won't be playing the Lions again, and will score less than 48 points, I guess. I played with Peyton Manning's notorious "cooled off" year last season though. As long as Brees is in the black by halftime, it's a luxury for me. So, I'm marching into battle with the same roster as last week. Just based on numbers, I considered subbing RB Johnson for RB Ahmed Bradshaw, but Johnson is facing the Raiders D this week. Ka-Ching!

As for actual viewership, not sure what game I might catch. I'll look forward to Colts vs Dolphins Monday night, there are two quarterbacks I like rooting for (Go, Pennington!). I'm wondering about the grass roots movement that's being spearheaded by coach Rex Ryan in New York for the Pats game. Dialing for Disses. I like it. I ain't convinced though, say what you want about the Bills last week, the Jets ALWAYS seem to blow close games with the Pats on stupid mistakes (in recent years anyway). Still, it's hard not to put your confidence in a guy named Rex.



Cole
Current Standing: 1-0, 6th Overall

Rob tells me I write better when I'm angry, so OH MAN YOU GUYS AM I FRIGGIN' PISSED. I'm so angry I could bite the head off a marmoset, as soon as I figure out what the hell one is.

Ah, screw it. I can't keep this up. Look, am I happy only beat Rob's mom by five points in Week 1? No. Am I happy I'm playing the guy with the highest point total from last week? No. Am I happy Donovan McNabb is going to miss the opportunity to put up huge points against a porous Saints defense? No. Come back soon, Donnie Mac. I have faith in you. Not sure why, exactly, but hey, there you go.



What's that? Oh. Right. Football. Fine.

While my fantasy team is underperforming, at least I have some better games this week. The Patriots haven't lost in the Meadowlands since 2000, but that defense looked impressive against a stacked (no, really) Houston offense. Belichick is renowned for making rookie quarterbacks cry, but now he'll be without middle linebacker Jerod Mayo for two months. Tough matchup.

And Rob's probably boasting about the huge game he stumbled across last week. Whatever. How do you think he knew Larry Johnson was playing the Raiders this week? Come on. Dude doesn't know the Oakland Raiders from Oakland Beach. Hell, dude can't even find the real Chad Ochocinco on Twitter (hint: the one with all the followers). Enjoy it while it lasts, my inebriated friend.
Read more...

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Time To Start Tailgating

- Autumn: when a young man's fancy tu -- hey! What did I tell you?! -


Cole
Yes, it's that time of year again. Look over on ESPN and all you see are page after page of preseason prog -- hey! And if you can tear yourself away from those, there's always trouble brewing in the form of contract nego -- stop it! Anyway, if that's not enough for you, there's always the SportsNation polls, which -- Rubio?! oh come on!

Whatever. It's football season, dammit, and everyone knows it. (Even the Worldwide Leader, cherry-picking notwithstanding). High school games have already started in some parts of the country, and the college variety kicks off tomorrow with nine Division I-A games on the slate. The highlight of the night may well be the Oregon-Boise State game that features two top-25 teams, but I'll be over on ESPNU watching the North Texas-Ball State battle, a game I'm forced to refer to as the "North Texas/Balls Bowl", as a weak homage to our sometime-commenter.

For those of you who can't stand the farce of allegedly amateur college athletics, there's the usual NFL headaches piling up. The latest involves Broncos wideout Brandon Marshall, suspended indefinitely for stealing head coach Josh McDaniels' Pez dispenser or something, and a potential trade to the Jets. Only the Broncos don't want to trade him, because they know they'll get pennies on the dollar for him and would rather have a top flight receiver. And plus, McDaniels used to work for the Patriots, who have this longstanding antipathy towards the New York Jets, and then Maria slept with everybody, and Matt Cassel's evil twin is...

Wait. I got a bit confused because I'm working from home this week, and the soap operas are only confusing things for me. Regardless, it's a good thing no one's saving this drama for their mamas, because that means one more potential matchup the Tony Kornheisers of the world don't have to work to discuss. Broncos-Jets? Brandon-Marshall-Gate! Jets-Vikings? That-Guy-Whose-Name-I-Refuse-To-Mention-Gate! Eagles-Browns? Hey-It's-Puppy-Killer-Mike-Vick-Against-A-Team-Whose-Name-Is-Tangentially-Related-To-Dogs-Maybe-Gate! Broncos-Vikings? The-Extremely-Unhappy-Quarterback-Wide-Receiver-Tandem-Gate! Exciting.*

Now, though, it's time for me to start getting ready for Seinfeld League Draft 2: Draft Harder. Otherwise, how am I supposed to compete with these people?

______
*-Well, except for the fact that none of these matchups are scheduled for the regular season. But you get the idea.
Read more...