Nine Head Coaches Who Ruined Your Fantasy Season (Part I)

- It's just not Eric Mangini's day. -

Cole

Current Standing: 11-4, 108 points in week 16

With the close of week 16, it's time for that time-honored tradition among unsuccessful fantasy football owners: the airing of grievances, in which blame is assigned to everybody but themselves for their crappy fantasy teams. Since I fall in that category, here's a list of the worst real coaches for fantasy purposes.

(This post went longer than I originally anticipated, so I'm saving the last four for tomorrow.)

9. Bill Belichick (New England Patriots)
No, I'm not listing him for that whole fourth-down thing against the Colts, and I'm not going to criticize his defense's performance, since I told you the Patriots' defense was going to be weak this year. I am, however, going to include him based on his egregious sin of the "running back by committee". True, injuries limited the damage this did, and the Pats don't run the ball especially well anyway. But I'm 25 points up in my two-week finals because Dave started Laurence Maroney (0 points) as opposed to Sammy Morris (15 points).

8. Josh McDaniels (Denver Broncos)
Pilk wants me to include him for his little pissing match with Brandon Marshall at the beginning of the season, and that's fair, since it cost Marshall some playing time and left fantasy owners scrambling a little. But it also meant Marshall became an absolute steal once he found the field, so really, his megalomanaical power play turned into a solid sleeper pick, as well as helping team discipline.

7. Eric Mangini (Cleveland Browns)
If you were relying on any members of the Cleveland Browns to take you to the fantasy football promised land, well, then I'm sorry for you. But when you consider the stellar performances of Jerome Harrison and Josh Cribbs over the second half of the season, it's a little infuriating to think that Mangini kept trotting out Jamal Lewis week after wasted week. I'd complain about the whole nuclear-launch-code-style secrecy surrounding the choice between Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn, but if those were your starting quarterback options, you'd wait as long as possible to make your decision public too. Poor dude was probably hoping for a cyanide pill.

6. Jeff Fisher (Tennessee Titans)
Fisher at least made strides over last year, making sure touchdown vulture extraordinaire LenDale White saw more than his fair share of pine. But to stubbornly insist on playing your 40-year-old career journeyman quarterback despite starting the season 0-5, and despite being down 45-0 at halftime, and despite having the third-overall pick in the 2006 draft holding a clipboard... The Titans haven't looked like quite the world-beaters they were last year, but they looked a lot closer once Vince Young started taking the field. Frankly, the only thing saving Fisher's skin in real life is his 13 years with the team, and his hypnotically sweet moustache.

5. Dick Jauron (formerly Buffalo Bills)
The guy lost his job, so maybe that's enough, but if Fisher gets mentioned for sticking with Collins too long, I have to complain about Jauron: "Oh, look at that, Marshawn Lynch is back from his suspension. And just in time too! It's not like Fred Jackson was tearing up the lea... he was? Oh. Well, we can't have that." Factor in the early success of Ryan Fitzpatrick and you wonder just what exactly he was using to assign playing time.

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A Case for Brandon Marshall

-It's an orange bird! An orange plane! It's the most talented Denver Bronco!-

RWPilk

Current Standing: 1-3, 9th overall

It seems like only yesterday that I received an urgent text from the Colebagel: "Manny traded to the Dodgers." It was quickly followed by an angry volume-distorted phone call. How could this be? More than an eccentric, devil-may-care fan favorite on the Sox line-up, Ramirez was a natural talent. Even when it appeared he was half-assing it, he was hitting home runs. Steroid discussions aside, this was the case. Manny's bat was literally the backbone of Sox wins (and Ortiz's was probably... I dunno, a right femur). And he was traded. Why?

A "bad attitude".

Manny could be volatile. He pushed some agent once. He angered teammates by clearly not putting in 100% all the time. He clashed with Theo "franchise player, my ass" Epstein over his contract. Alright. He was a hand full. He was simultaneously known as one of baseball's greatest players and one of baseball's biggest SOBs. But, as Cole and I wondered (and I'm guessing a good chunk of Sox fan are still wondering), if you can do something singular, something fantastic, shouldn't that be a factor in evaluating a player's conflict with my-way-or-the-highway management?

Welcome to the Brandon Marshall story. Don't get me wrong, this is not a manifesto defending every me-first multi-millionaire jackass that bitches their whole life about playing a game for a living. No. Rather, let's call it an overview of why when this happened Sunday, an entire nfl audience wondered "where the hell has this guy been?"

It's been widely publicized, but here's a quick run down: Marshall, already a big time WR, or at least largely hyped, was nearly suspended by Broncos coach Josh McDaniels for a bad attitude during training camp. Apparently, Marshall was not happy with his contract. At the time of this blog's fantasy draft, Marshall's digital self was flagged as a huge risk. He and the coaches hate each other. Will he play often? Will he play hard? No one knew.

The flag was well deserved. Marshall barely registered for two weeks with a combined 6 fantasy points (7 total receptions [yeah, Pilk can cite stats too]), and no end zone frolicking. When McDaniels was asked where his star player was, he stated "there are a lot of guys on our team who deserve to play." And, for anyone paying attention, your BS detector should now be going off.

As fans of Coors Light know, in professional sports you play to win the game. Of course every player on the team deserves to play, but not all of them are optimal options to be a positive factor in actual game play. And some are better than others, and that is valued in the NFL system. Salaries prove that. So when Marshall, clearly an optimal choice, is on the bench, it looks a little fishy. Like "hissy fit sour grapes over smart winning strategy" fishy.

None of us lowly fans are gonna sit here and make the Devil's advocate argument about the pressures of celebrity to explain questionable behavior. (commanding millions of dollars in a highly competitive field, the immense pressure, yada, yada, yada). I accept that Marshall was a jerk in the preseason. I get it. Fine him. Slap his wrist. Hell, make him doubt that if he'll actually play. But when any given Sunday rolls around... you play him. Right?! You play any player with this talent. Unfortunately, the Bronco's record doesn't reflect any bonehead justice, they're 4-0. But in a notoriously short season, where every game counts, why risk it? You play your best players. Period. I mean, I know I'm new here, but I thought this was the case. Professional sports. Right? Am I on the wrong floor?

It appears there is a happy ending for Marshall, McDaniels and the Broncos (or at least happier than Manny vs Epstein, but, hey, we like you, J-Bay). Everyone is abuzz about Marshall's sweet play this Sunday and, as you can see at the end of the video, he and McDaniels hugged it out. Apparently, McDaniels has had nothing but praise for the guy he had to scare the crap out of before giving him a few plays per game. As my league's Marshall owner, yeah, I wish Josh and the Broncos organization found another way. But these are the politics of professional sports, as you sports people are telling me, and as I should learn to see, I suppose. It doesn't make sense to me, but hey, neither does this.

Welcome back, Brandon? I hope? And smooth move, McDaniels. Let's all try and get along, play nice, all that. And most certainly win.

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Time To Start Tailgating

- Autumn: when a young man's fancy tu -- hey! What did I tell you?! -

Cole

Yes, it's that time of year again. Look over on ESPN and all you see are page after page of preseason prog -- hey! And if you can tear yourself away from those, there's always trouble brewing in the form of contract nego -- stop it! Anyway, if that's not enough for you, there's always the SportsNation polls, which -- Rubio?! oh come on!

Whatever. It's football season, dammit, and everyone knows it. (Even the Worldwide Leader, cherry-picking notwithstanding). High school games have already started in some parts of the country, and the college variety kicks off tomorrow with nine Division I-A games on the slate. The highlight of the night may well be the Oregon-Boise State game that features two top-25 teams, but I'll be over on ESPNU watching the North Texas-Ball State battle, a game I'm forced to refer to as the "North Texas/Balls Bowl", as a weak homage to our sometime-commenter.

For those of you who can't stand the farce of allegedly amateur college athletics, there's the usual NFL headaches piling up. The latest involves Broncos wideout Brandon Marshall, suspended indefinitely for stealing head coach Josh McDaniels' Pez dispenser or something, and a potential trade to the Jets. Only the Broncos don't want to trade him, because they know they'll get pennies on the dollar for him and would rather have a top flight receiver. And plus, McDaniels used to work for the Patriots, who have this longstanding antipathy towards the New York Jets, and then Maria slept with everybody, and Matt Cassel's evil twin is...

Wait. I got a bit confused because I'm working from home this week, and the soap operas are only confusing things for me. Regardless, it's a good thing no one's saving this drama for their mamas, because that means one more potential matchup the Tony Kornheisers of the world don't have to work to discuss. Broncos-Jets? Brandon-Marshall-Gate! Jets-Vikings? That-Guy-Whose-Name-I-Refuse-To-Mention-Gate! Eagles-Browns? Hey-It's-Puppy-Killer-Mike-Vick-Against-A-Team-Whose-Name-Is-Tangentially-Related-To-Dogs-Maybe-Gate! Broncos-Vikings? The-Extremely-Unhappy-Quarterback-Wide-Receiver-Tandem-Gate! Exciting.*

Now, though, it's time for me to start getting ready for Seinfeld League Draft 2: Draft Harder. Otherwise, how am I supposed to compete with these people?

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*-Well, except for the fact that none of these matchups are scheduled for the regular season. But you get the idea.

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