Week 10 Preview: Welcome Back, Rackers!

-We kept your desk over there.-

Week 10: the final five. What more is there to say really? Cole has all but clinched his playoff spot, and RWPilk has is back against the wall, ready to crack some skulls down the final stretch and possibly secure the league's only wild card spot. Do our bitter rivals have any insight to what will happen this week? No. But, be honest, what else do you have to do? That's what I thought.

Cole

Current Standing: 7-2, 2nd Overall

The Thursday games throw everything off. Instead of catching up on my reading and doing some laundry, I spent four hours yelling at my TV and drinking heavily.

How I've missed you, Thursday night football.

What a terrible game though. Both teams played sloppy football and missed countless opportunities. And then there was Jay Cutler, with more turnovers than a North End bakery. Throw the ball that much, and I'm forced to contemplate why Lovie Smith hates my fantasy team. Oh look, 120 receiving yards for Matt Forte. If you're forced to dump the ball off that much, something's very wrong with your offense.

Now there's something very wrong with MY offense. In this self-proclaimed "year of the quarterback", I'm stuck wrestling between Donovan McNabb and David Garrard. Speaking of awkward quarterback choices, the readers suggest Kurt Warner over Joe Flacco for you, Fred. Good luck.

RWPilk

Current Standing: 4-5, 7th overall

That's right. Rackers is back. Neil, I'm sorry we ever let you go. We left your desk for you. And we'll find a chair for you somewhere around here.

I have a tough opponent this week and, as usual, a few problems with my line up. One is my DST match up. Packers vs Cowboys? Crap. My alternate? Bills vs Titans. Holy God, that game sucks so much light won't escape it. Yeah, there's a science quip for y'all.

And of course, injuries. I have both Westbrook and his back up, McCoy. Who will play? Will they split carries? In times like these, I've learned that the fantasy mantra is to go with with your "best" player. The seniority guy. The name. It's still a best guess if it's 55% probability, right? Game time decision pending, Westbrook it is. And go easy on the noggin, cowboy.

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Week 9 Preview: Please, Dear Lord...

-RWPilk's one sure thing... and we just jinxed him. Dammit!-

And here comes Week 9. Look at her, with her android phone and her miniature dog. Just so smug. That's a handicap spot, you vapid fashionista! Oh, but don't worry. She'll get her comeuppance. Cole and RWPilk are on the scene, ready to deal out some cold, fantasy football style justice. This late in the season, all managers are waiting for some risky dice-rolls to land in the end zone, our humble(ish) authors among them. So, look out your highness! Week 9 very well be theirs.

Cole

Current Standing: 6-2, tied for 1st Overall

Let's talk tight ends.

Pause.

I mean, I could talk about Matt Forte -- again -- but really, I've just accepted my fate. The league's trading deadline is the 17th, and if every half-assed fantasy guru keeps talking about selling high after Forte's one good game, no one will be crazy enough to take a chance on him. It's tempting to package him with the Saints' defense, because there's no way they're scoring a defensive touchdown every week right? Well look at their schedule down the stretch. The Rams. The Bucs -- twice. The Panthers -- twice. The Redskins. Oy. I think I'd like to hang on to the defense going against that juggernaut, possibility of late-season collapse notwithstanding.

But anyway, tight ends. It's a thin position to begin with, and finicky outside the top scoring options: is Greg Olsen going to get 10 points or 2 this week? (Answer: two if you're starting him, 10 otherwise.) And then, in consecutive weeks, Chris Cooley (a preaseason top-six pick at the position) and Owen Daniels (tops at the position in a standard scoring league) were lost to injury. Now, if you're like me in my other league, you have two talented tight ends, like Jason Witten and Antonio Gates (thank you auction auto-draft), this is a good excuse to pick up some talent for the stretch. If you're not like me, and you have a surprising tight end (maybe like Vernon Davis or Visanthe Shiancoe), it might be worth it anyway to try to upgrade another position, even if you end up punting the TE position.

Holy shit, real fantasy advice! Who knew.

RWPilk

Current Standing: 4-4, 7th overall

Week 9 is mine? This is news to me.

Save my bitter loss from last week, no doubt the Sweet Fancy Moses have been more competitive as of late. But it's come at a price. My team is banged up and I've basically pitched a tent on the waiver wire. There's only been a few sure things in my line up. Brees is out of his funk. The Packers D remains a solid bet. And I'm currently carving a solid ivory WR Reggie Wayne bust for my room. You know, to watch over me.

Everyone else, everyone, has proven to be a gamble. I just had to dump K Neil Rackers this week. Why? Because even my kicker slot, the fantasy football equivalent to the points you get for filling in your name on the SATs, was bleeding points. God, and I loved that guy's name. "Rackers". Dammit.

There ain't much else to do though. This, apparently, is how you do this. You play Marshall. You play Westbrook. And, by god, you play Todd Heap and die a little inside. So, see you Sunday. I'll be the guy with the white knuckle clasp on the rabbit's foot.

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Week 8 Recap: It Still Stings

-Sweet, Sweet Flacco/Heap Action? Not likely, sucker.-

Just as the winds appeared to shift in Week 7 towards an RWPilk comeback, they're already shifting back in the opposite direction with a definitive Cole victory. Damn you, finicky winds! With your flippin' and your floppin'! Anyway, let's go to the authors now to see just what in the hell happened this week. Parental guidance suggested.

Cole

Current Standing: 6-2, tied for 1st Overall

Since I'm delusional to write this thing, let's go all-out delusional here. Let's attribute my team's bullish performance to Gi's trash-talking marathon Friday. Let's say her post provided fake bulletin board material, giving my team the edge it needed to record its second-highest point total to date en route to an 18-point victory.

Sure. Or, we could give the metaphorical game ball to my ever-faithful stable of running backs. To Ray Rice! May you continue to put up points despite a grueling schedule. To Chris Johnson! May you always display getting-away-from-the-cops speed. And to Matt Forte! May you play the Browns every week.

And let's not forget the Saints' DST, with a stellar 17 points this week and their sixth defensive touchdown. Where would I be without my favorite waiver-wire pickup? Probably not 6-2, I can tell you that much. It's worth pointing out that they have more touchdowns off interceptions than the Browns, Lions, and Raiders have passing touchdowns. (Source) Oh, hello, Calvin Johnson. Yeah, I'll deal with you later.

The only sour note was my acquisition and subsequent starting of David Garrard over Donovan McNabb. The Jaguars were supposed to have an easy matchup against the Titans, the Eagles were supposed to have a tough matchup against the Giants, yadda yadda yadda, I left 23 points on the bench.

So I still have a three-game lead, now with six games to play, meaning the unfortunate-but-still-comical epic collapse should be juuust around the corner. Next up is Queen of the Castle, fresh off a tight victory over Pilk. Fun fact: Queen of the Castle's entire bench was devoted to bye-week players last week. Weird.

RWPilk

Current Standing: 4-4, 7th overall

There seems to be a pattern going on in our league. There's always one miserable match where both teams do pretty terrible, and one just happens to win by being a little less terrible that week. Last week, Cole was in that game and lost. This week was my turn, and, oh, what a turn it was. This one really hurts people. This one was my bad.

After a waiver wire buffet last week, I also executed my first trade with Cole. He wanted QB Garrard (that he immediately put in for McNabb, say whaaa?!) and he offered me RB "I'm built of Legos" Westbrook's back up, McCoy. To be honest, I totally forgot about the trade and when I was alerted it was approved Sunday morning, I blew it off. I just had fixed my RB situation via said waiver wire... What's McCoy gonna do?

My waiver wire restructuring was a total bust. TE Todd Heap, some mook I'm now stuck with the rest of the year, scored one point. And, by golly, RB Darren Sproles, the guy I picked up before trading with Cole matched that score. McCoy, on my bench? Fifteen points. My loss deficit this week: 6 points.

Of course, it's easy to look at my trade gaff as the smoking gun here, but honestly, the rest of my time wasn't helping. Packers DST got destroyed, Brandon Marshall was off playing solitaire somewhere, and even Neil Rackers scored under 5 points. Ho-leeeee Christmas, you know it's a bad week when after the dust clears, even your kicker has a blue note.

I'm off to cry into some beers now.

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