Week 8 Preview: How Ya Doin?

-You predictable bastard.-

The boys are lazy and busy prepping for the house Halloween party, but that's no reason to deprive you of a Week 8 preview. Continuing the theme of coercing roommates into writing, SSFA! presents roomate #4 (and current Seinfeld League points leader) Gi to the fray to discuss her upcoming matchup with Cole. Take it away!

Gi

Current Standing: 5-2, 1st overall

What do men know about the finer things in life? I can guarantee you Cole and Pilks spend a lot less time eating oysters than they do downing $2 PBRs. And yelling at cats? That's my cat you jerks! And she's just...special! We should embrace our differences!...

Alright, she can be a little obnoxious.

Anyway, I am the token female football fan in the merry little band that is our house. Both the gents are sucking at fantasy so far, so they asked me to go ahead and write the week 8 preview. Gladly!

Now first of all, I am playing Cole this weekend, and kids - he's in for a swift kick in the pants. I have taken over his spot as top of the league and there is no way he can have it back. CBS Sports is giving me 121 points over his 100, but we all know how reliable *that* is, so instead let's take a look at who we have playing:

Cashmere Sweater:
Peyton Manning (QB)
DeAngelo Williams (RB)
Ryan Grant (RB)
Mike Sims-Walker (WR)
DeSean Jackson (WR)
Tony Gonzalez (TE) (ATL)
Steve Smith (Flex) (CAR)
David Akers (K)
Chargers (Def)

Flabby-Armed:
Donovan McNabb (QB)
Chris Johnson (RB)
Matt Forte (RB)
Calvin Johnson (WR)
Brian Hartline (WR)
Greg Olsen (TE)
Ray Rice (Flex)
Lawrence Tynes (K)
Saints (Def)

Now, I am an Eagles fan, don't get me wrong. Nothing makes me happier than watching McNabb take the field in all his glory... but let's face it, the man isn't getting any younger and he's injury prone. The Giants Defense ain't nothin' to sneeze at either. I think the Eagles have a good shot at this game, but I'm expecting short passes and long runs, so I'm not too worried about McNabb outscoring my boy Peyton, who is at the top of his career and skill level. Peyton, beautiful man that he is, had over 300 yards in each of his first 6 games, and on Sunday he'll be bring that formidable talent against the 49ers, whose defense we will politely call NOT formidable.

When all is said and done, our WR/RB/TE pretty much match up evenly so let's skip further down. Kickers don't count for much in Fantasy, but oh man do I love me some David Akers. He has been a solid 10 points for me every week but one this season, and I love to see him work for my Eagles. To be frank, I don't know who Tines is, but in my world no one is better than Akers so :oP (And yes, Cole has scolded me numerous times for being a fan of a kicker, but I know talent when I can see it).

Finally, let's check out our Defenses. The Chargers have been a solid D all season for me and this weekend they're playing the flabby armed spanking machine that is the Raiders offense so I'm feeling pretty confident to be honest. (We're going to ignore the freak show that was week 6 Raiders vs PHI). Cole has the Saints D, and while it's sweet that he's so loyal to his favorite team, they did give up 34 points last week and are playing a fairly solid Falcons this week so... I'm imagining a pretty wah wah score outta them.

Moving past that - games to watch this weekend. Of course I'm going to be keeping an eye on the Eagles/Giants game. Division rivals and decent teams both (when the Eagles bother to play well), I think this game has a lot of potential. Miami/Jets also has potential, especially since I'm from Jersey, and there we consider this a pretty good rivalry. I think I'll keep up with the Chargers/Raiders game as well because hey, everyone likes a good mauling.

And let's end on that note ladies and gentlemen, a mauling. Because that's what Cole has to look forward to this weekend, when the Cashmere Sweater (speaking of the finer things in life), shows him exactly how painful a spanking machine can be. Pause.

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Week 6 Preview: QB, or not QB

-Another fantasy scenario?-

And here it is. Week 6. Almost at the fantasy season halfway point. What have we learned? Never run with scissors. Or with Chris Cooley, he'll only bring you backwards. Rex Ryan doesn't want to be fed, Rex Ryan wants to hunt. And lastly, and more importantly, always respect personal space, even if there's taunting involved. Let's go Cole and RWPilk now for the forecast.

RWPilk

Current Standing: 2-3, 8th Overall

Like that caption? That's a double pun, dammit. Laugh.

I don't want to complain about Brees' cooled off numbers anymore, but I'm in a QB pickle: Brees vs Giants, or Garrard vs Rams. The RAMS! Two wildly inconsistent players facing two teams on the opposite end of the of suck meter. I may just flip a coin. My team is also going through some other changes. St. Louis' WR Avery is in for now... As is Phi WR Maclin, a waiver wire pickup. On top of that, NYG RB Bradshaw hasn't been practicing this week, with KC RB Larry "Oreck challenge" Johnson on my bench. I also got a WR trade that my or may not go through (T.O. for the Cowboys' Austin). It looks like my line up will probably have to set Sunday at quarter of 1pm. Oh, happy day.

I knew this is going to be a tough week. There have been signs. I woke from a bizarre dream the other night where I was in some kind of frat with Peyton Manning. Seriously. And he was like this miserable, dorky sophomore guy who was trying to show me the ropes and how to respect the seniors. And every time I turned around he was ironing his pants. Pair after pair. Lord, what does it mean!? Garrard or Brees! Why pants?! What do they mean?! Whyyyyy!!!

Cole
Current Standing: 4-1, 1st Overall

I -- wait, what? Pants?

Jesus, man, pull it together. Sounds like someone needs a priceless pep talk.

Huh. I guess MasterCard doesn't have one prerecorded for "weird dreams involving a pantsless Peyton Manning". Poor planning really.

Well, if that doesn't do it for you, there's plenty of high-quality real football available. Look at that 1:00 slate! The undefeated Giants and the undefeated Saints!* And if you don't like that, how about the Battle for the Purple: Ravens at Vikings. That, my friends, is truly going to be some sweet Flacco action. The Sunday night game features two 3-1 teams with excellent running backs, and the Monday night game features those excellent Broncos throwbacks.

That Vikes-Ravens game is going to be interesting: two quality defenses match up against two surprisingly good offenses. Can F**** continue his "ageless wonder" routine? Or will Joe Flacco and Ray Rice stop Jared Allen and a pass rush that humiliated the Packers two weeks ago? Getcha popcorn ready. I'm picking Vikings (-2.5); that defense looks brutal, and I haven't even mentioned Adrian Peterson.

_________________
* - The first time the Saints have hosted the Giants since 2005, when the refugee Saints were the designated home team in a game at Giants Stadium. Yeah, you thought we forgot about that. Screw you too, NFL.

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Too Many Beaks

-You whippersnappers, with your dreadlocks! And your McIntosh computers!-

RWPilk

Current Standing: 1-1, 5th overall

Hell and damnation! Two weeks in and I already popped my "loss" cherry. Peyton Manning, a curse on your never-branching family tree. And Brandon Marshall, how does riding the pine in Week 3 sound!? Yeah, you think about that! Until then, wear this abnormally long funnel on your head until I find a dunce cap.

Alright. Back to mid-week randomness. As you might have read, I've checked out a few athlete Twitter accounts. Twitter's a great idea for sports, right? A first hand account inside the game! Awesome. Awesome? Eh. I gotta tell you people, it's losing a bit of its luster.

Late Monday, PFT reported more NFL Twitter action, this time documenting a rift in the sacred bond between QB and receiver. Gasp! All might not be well in Arizona, people. Word around the knitters' circle is WR Larry Fitzgerald ain't all too pleased with the amount of ball action he's getting from Kurt Warner (pause). This comes on behalf of tweets from Larry's younger brother Marcus.

Apparently, Marcus received texts from big bro Larry during the game Sunday about not being thrown the ball enough, that WR long-ball has been cut down for shorter passes to RBs. Oh, boy. And the phrase "80-year old" was used to describe Warner.

C'mon, brothers Fitzy. First of all, Arizona won that game and old man Warner broke a record for completion percentage. Second of all, "80-year old"? Kurt Warner is a very spry 68-year old man and starts each day a with a glass of warm milk, a boiled egg, a crisp issue of Reader's Digest, and tops it off with a Werther's Original. Sigh. What am I doing? Writing about the Cardinals? Is it next Sunday? Is Westbrook probable yet?

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Mano y Manning

-"My forehead is still bigger than yours."-

RWPilk

Yesterday it was announced that professional scrappy underdog Eli Manning signed a record-breaking contract with the NY Giants. $97 million over six years, over $16 million a year, with a guaranteed zzzZZZzzz... Whatever. I fell asleep in my honey nut cheerios before the report even finished. But I almost choked on that real honey and natural almond flavor when the man on the TV said that Eli would now be earning more than his brother, Peyton.

I shuddered to think: Does this mean that now Eli will be taking up all of Peyton's commercial spots? Don't get me wrong, I usually hate athletes in commercials, but Peyton usually does a decent job at being funny avoids all the playboy, men's fragrance, Gatorade, just do it crap (video after the jump, not to mention his popular SNL spoof). Will all this end now that his younger brother is earning more coin? For sake of my amusement, and MasterCard, I hope not.

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