This Monday: MNF Live Blog!

-Our prediction? Pain. And jambalaya.-

Yes, it's that time of year again! It's time for another installment of SSFA! Live Blogging! This week: Patriots and Saints Monday Night Football! Awesome. Join Cole and RWPilk as they blog it out whilst these two teams engage in what is sure to be one of the best MNF matchups of the year. Who knows what'll happen or who will join us! Maybe Santa! Would like that, kids? Would you like it if Santa live blogged with Cole and RWPilk? Leave out some PBR and cookies and we'll talk.

New England Patriots at New Orleans Saints
Monday, November 30th, 2009
ESPN at 8:30pm

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Week 12 Preview: Turkey Hangover

-Stay down before you throw a 5th interception.-

With three Turkey Day games already in the books, a good chunk of Week 12 is almost over... but almost don't feed the bulldog. As Cole kicks back and prays none of his players get injured for the playoffs, RWPilk is waist-deep in rally city. Can he come back and clash pretend helmets with Cole in the post season? Will Cole finish out the season strong with a healthy crew? Let's go bug them now for some non-answers. They got nothing else better to do. Trust us.

Cole

Current Standing: 9-2, 1st Overall

Thanksgiving games are weird, man.

I mean, I guess all the Thursday games are weird: they throw off your schedule, they shorten the amount of time you can hit the waiver wire, you have no chance to trash talk before the games, etc. But last year I spent Thanksgiving -- a time of family and friends and being grateful for what you have -- cursing at a 40-year-old, humble, all-American success story because he started off slow in a game few rational people cared about.

It could be because I'm deeply disturbed, or it could be because fantasy football makes madmen of us all. Regardless, I was relieved to find that this year, only my kicker was playing on Thanksgiving, so I was safe in lapsing into a tryptophan-induced* coma. I even got an unexpected bonus: opposing quarterback Eli Manning proved to be less than unstoppable, picking up five points on the evening.

This weekend has a couple of interesting fantasy matchups, beyond the Saints-Pats game we'll be covering. Chief among them might be the Falcons-Bucs game, as everyone who swiped Jason Snelling off the waiver wire hopes for a second productive week before Michael Turner returns to his rightful place as the feature back in Atlanta. Turner could probably play through his high ankle sprain if he had to this week. But a weak matchup against a hapless Tampa Bay defense means he'll probably get a little more rest for the stretch run.

Sounds logical, right? All right, Snelling, I'm sending Khan to the bench for you. It's go time.

___________
*-Wikipedia tells me that, actually, there's not that much tryptophan in turkey, and that it's all the carbohyrdates (stuffing, potatoes, beer, etc.) that makes you sleepy. Thanks, professor!

RWPilk

Current Standing: 5-6, 8th overall

After it was all said and done, and all the belts were loosened, I had a pretty productive Thanksgiving. Four of my players played Turkey Day, and the Packers D, WR Miles Austin, and WR Brandon Marshall put up some really good numbers. My new TE Kevin Boss, after exploding last week, finally came down to earth with a tight end score that looks like everyone else's. Ah, well.

So, onward we march to Sunday, where I really want to see some big numbers from a few people who are due. Exhibit A: Colts WR Reggie Wayne. It's my own fault really, I called him a "sure thing" a few weeks back, and he hasn't found the end zone since. Forgive me, Reggie. And score.

Exhibit B are my RBs. I can just see my '09 wrap-up analysis now: where the hell were all my running backs? They've been constantly rotating slots with no big scores. Right now PHI LeSean McCoy and SD Darren Sproles are in there. No great shakes, but c'mon, one or two dives into the end zone is all I'm askin'!

And yeah, I want a good kicker score. ARI Neil Rackers is hurt... so now I got CHI Robbie Gould in there. Playing the Vikings this week. Let's hope they can get close enough for a few field goals.

That brings us to Drew Brees. Ah, Monday Night Football. Be sure to join Cole and I for yet another hysterical episode of SSFA! Live Blogging. It's sure to be an offensive showcase for both teams... but I'm really just hoping the Saints throw it down. WHODAT!?

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Now Eat Your Peas

-You can't spell "turducken" without-- uhhh... BOOM!-

From our indigestion to yours, everyone here at Sweet, Sweet Flacco Action! would like to wish all our readers a Happy Thanksgiving (Yes, all nine of you). You know, that historical day when the Redskins showed the Patriots how to grow corn or whatever, but, more importantly, how to toss the ol' pigskin around. What a joyous time it was! And then the Patriots turned into Cowboys, Steelers, and 49ers ran the Redskins and their Chiefs all out on their Colts and Broncos so that they couldn't even enjoy their Buffalo Bills anymore. What a shame... what a shame.

For your viewing pleasure, don't forget to mix in a little pigskin of your own with your mash potatoes and quality-time inspired drinking:

Packers vs Lions at 12:30pm
on FOX

Raiders vs Cowboys at 4:15pm
on CBS

Giants vs Broncos at 8:20pm
on NFLN

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Gimme Five

-Up high! Down low! Too SLOW! ...That'll be five yards.-

RWPilk

Current Standing: 5-6, 8th overall

Nothing screams rompin' good fun like an official statement to the press dispelling the occurrence of a high five.

This week, the media was abuzz with an apparent high five that occured between QB Vince Young and ref Jerome Boger at the end of Titans/Texans MNF. I love stuff like this. Honestly, it looks like a coincidence, but it comes at just the right time where there's little buzzes floating around about refs favoring certain players and all that kinda nonsense/reality. Yee Haw! Eat it up, sports media outlets! I'm gonna run and grab Chris Berman a bib.

Of course, NFL suits are falling over themselves trying to deny it. Happenstance, they say. Serendipitous, yet unintentional, palm slapping. Perfectly understandable. The NFL then added, "Tweet about this, and we'll kill you."

Below is really, REALLY bad footage of it happening. Is it true? A hoax?! YOU decide!



Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. This footage looks familiar... I could swear I've seen this camera work before...



Well, and there you have. That proves it. Pure, unadulterated FACT.

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Week 11 Recap: Long Shot City, Population: Moses

- Welcome to the party, pa -- oh, whoops, wrong McClane. -

Week 11 leads to a divergence of sorts for our authors! While Cole prepares to fortify his roster for the playoffs, RWPilk scrambles to rally his way back into contention.

Ah hell, did I give it away? Man, I suck at this. Fine, read the wrapup. And oh yeah, the Pats-Saints game will be live-blogged (liveblogged? liveblog'd?) next Monday night right here at SSFA!. And probably other places as well. But ours is way better.

Cole

Current Standing: 9-2, 1st Overall

One of these weeks I've got to get around to writing the recap titles. Be that as it may, I still get a chance to revel in the fact that I now own a four-game lead with three weeks to go, giving me the Apartment Division title and a berth in the playoffs. I'm lord of the manor, master of my domain, king of the county, etc.

It was a hard-fought battle with Jim to clinch, though; I had a one-point lead going into the Monday night game as Chris Johnson (on my squad) battled Andre Johnson (on Jim's). Years of pent-up sports-based superstition came out in full force, and I stopped moving somewhere after halftime to prevent some sort of negative feng shui from conspiring against Chris Johnson's yardage total (and don't think I've forgotten your transgression, LenDale White). By the end of the fourth quarter, I was rooting for Kris Brown's field goal attempt to sail wide (which it did), just so I could collapse in a peaceful, victorious exhaustion.

Now that's a high-quality game.

Things could have been a lot easier for me, I admit: I guessed wrong with my receivers for the 27th time, sitting Jerricho Cotchery (80+ yds, 1 TD) for Steve Breaston (no receptions). And Jason Snelling's moment in the sun (20 fantasy points) was wasted on my bench behind Khan (7 points). But these things happen.

Besides, I still want to talk about the touchdown vultures. Aside from White's two carries for two yards and six points, there's also the case of LeRon McClain in Baltimore, the Island-of-Misfit-Toys version. Sunday against Indianapolis, when the Ravens had first and goal at the one, the Ravens ran the ball three times: twice to McClain, and once to Joe Flacco, all for naught. Baltimore, of course, lost by two. Now, I'm not going to sit here and say that, in a goal-line situation, you should give your ball to your star running back three times and not some dude you're pulling out of the first row. No, wait a minute, yes I am going to say that. John Harbaugh gets my Lovie Smith Memorial "Why Do You Hate Me?" Award of the week for meritorious achievements in the field of playcalling designed to screw me over.

But I won't complain too much. Now I can just sit back and watch the rest of the season. Saints-Pats? All right.

RWPilk

Current Standing: 5-6, 8th overall

Sigh. You see this? This is me hitting the giant, category-5, blinking red button marked "start panicking".

I lost this week. Rather than go through and blame the people responsible (WR Miles Austin, RB Ahmed Bradshaw, God, K Neil Rackers), let's just go to straight to what needs to be done if I'm to have ANY shot of the playoffs. And, no, it ain't pretty.

1. I need win ALL my remaining three games. Oh, yes. Victories. Cut and dry. Even more important, is that, in our league, the last three games are all against our own divisions. That means my victories in these games can shoot me up the division standings. Hello, playoffs! Goodbye... bitterly weeping myself to sleep.

2. I need to score A LOT of points. I've only had a few triple digit games, and now I need a lot more. See, getting first in my division is highly unlikely, but getting out Wild Card spot is a little more manageable if I'm in second. I just need the highest point total of the other 2nd placers. So rack'em up.

And there it is. Is is possible? Yes. Likely? No. But we're gonna try. We're gonna try like Hell. Onward, Sweet Fancy Moses. Onward.

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Week 11 Preview: Into the Home Stretch

-Welcome to the Sweet Fancy Moses, Mr. Boss.-

The regular guy who writes these intros got injured, so I'm filling in this week! Sweet, Sweet Flacco Action! is proud to present the Week 11 preview. Go vote in the Candy Lineup poll! Get prepared to drink heavily and laugh it up, fuzzball, as Cole and RWPilk flounder and curse their general ineptitude in the ugly arena of fantasy football.

Cole

Current Standing: 8-2, 1st Overall

It's getting to that time of year. The trading deadline has passed without incident, and Matt "Khan" Forte is still on my team. I have faith in him though. He's a disappointment, yes, and I'll probably curse Lovie Smith out for the remainder of the sesaon. But he's already one up on Ronnie Brown, and you gotta figure the Bears will be running a lot more after the debacle that was Jay Cutler against San Francisco last week.

But I don't really have faith in the Saints' defense/special teams unit. Sure, their schedule is comically easy, but this is a team that gave up over 400 yards and 23 points to the St. Louis Rams. And yeah, they've gotten eight defensive touchdowns, but that's where most of their value lies, and let's face it: defensive touchdowns are by and large luck-based. You don't want to count on constantly being that lucky. Especially when the team in question has the luck of a New Orleans-based institution.

This week The Flabby-Armed Spanking Machine has a tough matchup against The Happy Pappys, the team with the second-most points in the league. The thing to do in this situation is to look for weak matchups. You know, like Brett Favre and Adrian Peterson going up against Seattle. And the Pittsburgh DST facing Kansas City.

Huh. This could be trouble.

RWPilk

Current Standing: 5-5, tied for 7th overall

Ah, I love browsing my team at the end of the week and finding out someone hasn't been practicing... and that I have no back up on the bench. Nothing to wake you up for the weekend like stumbling into the waiver wire drenched with sweat and fear. Enter: Jets TE Kevin Boss, the newest member of the Sweet Fancy Moses. Until there's some word on Todd Heap-- wait, you know what? Screw it. Heap can barely score over 5 points. Boss, you're in! Suit up and report back here in 5 for some Tony Danza jokes.

And, praise the lord, BYE weeks are over and done with. I wasn't hit hard any particular week, but just rather suffered a lot of close margin defeats with my reserve guy scoring "what do I do with the ball, again?" numbers. So, this is the first week I'm marching on to the field with the team I drafted, more or less, season ending injuries and gay-bashing suspensions not withstanding. Will it make a difference? I'm hoping so in these critical last weeks.

A little irony for you: If I beat my opponent this week, I help Cole secure his playoff spot. I wish I had the record to throw the game. Oh, I'd do it. I'm in a competition on a public forum here! What else am I supposed to do? Hello? Is this thing on?

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Bill Belichick Is Still Smarter Than You

- Guess he does have a drinking problem. And don't call me Shirley. -

Cole
Current Standing: 8-2, 1st Overall

I know it's bad for me.

I have a family history of high blood pressure, and I should try to reduce stress whenever possible. So when you get right down to it, I shouldn't let little things like this bother me.

But there's only so much willful stupidity a guy should have to take. When I see the same talking heads who have defended Bill Belichick through thick and slightly-less-thick start calling for his head as if their brains were Etch-a-Sketches, my eye starts twitching again. Look, I know about the 24-hour news cycle, and I know that I'm part of the problem as a blogger, but let's look at the facts here.

You like numbers? Let's start with some numbers. Advanced NFL Stats calculated that, yes, actually, going for it on fourth down was the greatest way to increase the Pats' win probability. Now, you may say there are some problems with this analysis. That's okay, there's a followup that answers a lot of the common complaints.

All right, so win probability makes your head hurt. Fine. Well, how about this: to that point in the game, the Pats had gained 475 yards for an average of six yards per play. Six. And add in the fact that the Colts scored two touchdowns on 79-yard drives in a grand total of 11 plays. Time of possession on both drives? About two minutes.

This isn't about "disrespecting the defense" or any of that hindpsychology bullcrap. Your defense is tired, and so is theirs. Your offense is the strength of your team, and so is theirs. The only advantage you have -- besides the lead -- is the fact that you have the ball. Why willingly surrender that advantage, when the league average on fourth down conversions is around 60 percent? Besides, your defense still has the opportunity to stop the Colts if you fail anyway.

Having said that, there are at least two or three calls on that drive that seem questionable. Why are the Patriots burning a timeout after a kickoff, and again after the third-down incompletion? For that matter, why are the Pats throwing on third down anyway? An incompletion stops the clock, and it's right before the two-minute warning. Don't give them the extra timeout! If you run the ball on third down, you kill more time. If you're not worried about the two-minute warning, what about this: if a third-down run gives you a fourth and short, you hustle to the line and have Brady fall forward on a sneak as soon as the referee sets the ball down. It's almost impossible to defend against.

Belichick isn't going to be shell-shocked by this. He won't suddenly lose the ability to make late-game decisions, and he won't develop some sort of drinking problem. Surely. His consolation should come from the fact that, the more level-headed and thought out the reaction, the more likely it is that the reaction supports his decision.

If that's not enough, well, there's always the Jets to take it out on. Read more...

They're Talking About Practice

-Perhaps he should have been making his teammates better.-

RWPilk

Current Standing: 5-5, tied for 7th overall

First of all, you media types should stop referring to Allen Iverson as "A.I." I can't afford to spend more time clicking on NBA headlines hoping to hear about basketball-playing robots. I have things to do. My time is valuable.

Anyway, the non-robotic Allen Iverson just recently parted ways with the Grizzlies and the New York Knicks are already kinda considering bringing him aboard. But not really. At least not yet.

Despite my love that fateful press conference, I don't know much about Iverson. He skipped practice, I hear, and is largely unhappy on the teams he plays for. But, yet, always on a team. What's the deal? This happens to a lot of players. T.O. comes to mind. Randy Moss was one of these types until Belichick reigned him in. A-Rod was on a few teams before being on a team that requires you to be an asshole (there you go, Sawx fans). You know, these players that kinda seem poisonous to organizations, yet can't really be ignored because of their talent/hype. More so their hype. Once you're on a magazine cover, it's hard for teams that are 1-9 to leave you unemployed.

I don't mind. If there's one thing that keeps me watching sports it's personality. With a capital P. Remember Carl Everett? Where's that guy been? Playing for something called Atlantic League of Professional Baseball. Screw that, let's get this guy his own radio show. Are you there, Carl? I'm listening.

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