Thursday, October 8, 2009

Oh, you syrup-dipped dandies

-Baby Roy flattening Nadeau into-- into a... a crepe.-

Current Standing: 1-3, 9th overall

That's right, screw it! A hockey post!

Quite frankly, I didn't even know that the NHL season just kicked off until my buddy Nick put it on with Cole and I last week. I know nothing about hockey... last hockey I saw was when the Providence Bruins went all the way in '99 to when to win the sterling silver maple leaf oscar cup, or whatever the hell it was. Still, it's the only major (term used loosely) American sport we've yet to write on, so here we go.

People say that watching hockey for the fights is like watching Nascar for the crashes (it is) and that doing either is wrong (it ain't). The NHL name Patrick Roy is vaguely familiar, and now his son's famous... for stomping the crap out of opposing goalie Bobby Nadeau in some junior league nonsense. I almost breezed by all this Canadian stuff, but then read some impressive facts about the situation:

First of all, Roy is a goalie. Nadeau is a goalie. That means Roy traveled the length of the rink to smash this guy. You think charging the mound is trip? Is there penalty for maniac, bloodthirsty, Braveheart-length sprints to rough up a fellow player? Oh yeah... I guess there is: arrest.

The beating was so bad that Roy was arrested, and plead guilty yesterday in a Quebec court. Now that's a goddamn penalty right there. Bam! The incident was so disturbing to the hockey community (and thus, apparently, Canadian society) that politicians and the prime minister have weighed in on the havoc. I'm officially frightened.

Dear Canada, please forgive me for everything I've said about you implying you were soft, wimpy, or unwilling to force your imperial influence over third-world societies. You were always my favorite continental neighbor ($9 for a Corona, Mexico!? C'mon!). And don't kill me. Please.

And that concludes our first hockey post! Next week: NASCAR and left-turn blinker jokes!


  1. I watch hockey for the hockey and I watch college hockey because there are no fights.

  2. Are fights in college not allowed? No wonder I never went to the "beanpot" or whatever it was.