Thursday, October 22, 2009

Never Mind the Buccos

- Or, as he's known in England, Pat the Traitor from the Colonies -

Current Standing: 5-1, 1st Overall

My knowledge of England is based on James Bond, Monty Python, and the occasional Premier League match on ESPN. So if I manage to insult the three London visitors Google Analytics reports, then appy polly loggies, O my brothers.

And further apologies are in order for sending the Tampa Bay Buccaneers across the pond. I mean, you guys are supposed to be our friends, and I think the Geneva Convention bans the use of Bucs game footage in Guantanamo. It's going to be vile, I promise. I don't know what genius decided to send these guys as ambassadors for the sport; they haven't been a power in the league since at least 2005. Even if the Pats missed the playoffs last year, they're only one season removed from a Super Bowl appearance.

Man, actually, all these matchups have pretty disappointing, huh. Last year pitted the Saints (who finished 8-8) against the Chargers (who finished 8-8). The year before that, the Dolphins masqueraded as a professional football team, with some dude named Cleo Lemon as quarterback. They finished the season 1-15 and were so abysmal offensively that their next coach decided, "the hell with this," and reinvented the Wildcat. THAT would've been fun to watch. A game with 23 total points and less than 500 total yards of offense? Blimey.

The only quantum of solace I can find in this matchup is the fact that the Patriots will almost certainly beat the living daylights out of the Bucs. Bill Belichick is a worthy villain, with no sense of sportsmanship or decency, who won't think twice about humiliating Tampa Bay. Hanging 59 on the Titans? That's nothing. At least the Titans had some talent on paper; the Buccaneers are going to get steamrolled.

The last two games in Wembley Stadium were decided by less than a touchdown. Don't expect that this week, folks. Do expect big numbers for the Pats and, if I were you, I'd start demanding better teams for next year now.


  1. I can. I did. I'm confused.

    Heard someone point out that the Patriots represented one of the absolute lowpoints in British history, so there would be a lot of sympathy for the Bucs from the crowd. Do you buy that?

  2. Seems like a bit of a stretch.

    I'm glad we have these discussions. You and me. Here on our blog.

  3. Bloody brilliant!... and when I say brilliant!... i'm saying it like the Guinness commercial guys... BRILLIANT! (even though we know they're an Irish export). I say next year... bring the Vikings in with "Norman" throwback jerseys and helmets... led by Brett the Conqueror ... to go to head-to-head with the Packers in their throwback "Saxon" jerseys...led by the usurping Aaron "Harold" Rodgers and try to recreate the Battle of Hastings. Imagine the possibilities...

    Or there's always the appeal of a Raiders vs. Lions game... the Raiders could wear there throwback Highlander jerseys... hell have 'em in kilts... JeMarcus Russell in a kilt... that'd be something. The Lions of course would be the "Longshankers" for the day... which isn't too far off... and then we'd have a reason to cheer for the Raiders... if only for a day.

    --Glenn, via Facebook