Thursday, December 17, 2009

Playoff Preview: Clash of the Titans

-Nineteen points is nineteen points, Reggie. Doesn't mean you get to come on to me.-

This one's for all the marbles! In an unexpected turn of events, our authors clash head-to-head in the first week of fantasy football playoffs, once and for all settling their fantasy sports theory dispute! It's Cole's Flabby Armed Spanking Machine against RWPilk's Sweet Fancy Moses... a death match bound to end in tears! Let's go to them now for all of the ugly, mortifying, soul-crushing details! You bring the tissues.

And don't miss our Sabbath day spectatcular as SSFA! will update continuously through the NFL games on Sunday, December 20th as our two esteemed authors duke it out! Blood, tears, hissy fits... just the thing to put you in the holiday spirit! See you then!

Current Standing: 11-3, 1st Overall

Right around 11 pm last night, it all went to hell for me. Reggie Wayne caught a 65-yard touchdown pass that turned a subpar performance into a stellar one, and gave me a 19-point hole to dig out of. And then the heat stopped working -- just in my bedroom. I threw something in frustration, and it broke a key off my keyboard. Naturally. So as I cried myself to sleep on the couch in the living room, I realized this was not going to be my lucky weekend.

At this point, I'm sure my opponent is jumping up and down at his good fortune and I'm sure you expect me to be loudly and obnoxiously proclaiming my doom, so I'm glad we both played into those stereotypes anyway. One may have expected some trash talking but that seems fruitless, especially given the semi-random nature of fantasy sports. I will say this though: for as much as Pilk over there wants to talk about his Theory, he was pretty damn quiet about it when he was floundering around .500 and considering benching Drew Brees.

Meanhwile, in other action, Rob's friend Mark takes on Gi, with Gi the heavy favorite thanks in large part to a huge game by Peyton Manning and the continued injury-based woes of Michael Turner. Sorry Gi, but you know I'm rooting for Mark, since he scored 60 points in the regular season finale and will probably still be hurting next week.

Assuming I don't embarrass myself first.

Current Standing: 8-6, 4th overall

I'm off to a good start with Reggie Wayne, unjinxed and back in action with 19 points from last night's game. That already puts the Sweet Fancy Moses ahead of the CBS Guru estimation, which is only worth mentioning because they have Cole beating me by like 40 points. What is this? Week 4? I don't think so.

I also made (what I hope to be) my last waiver wire grabs of the year. In for RB Darren Sproles and my "please god, just touch the ball" running back strategy is RB Quinten Ganther from Washington who's supposed to be hot hot hot (pause). And Matt Prater was recruited as well, the kicker from Denver. Yeah, that's right, I'm still tweaking my kickers. I'd leave it alone if everyone else was getting a 2-4 kicker score every week, but a lot of people in my league are breaking double digits. I can't risk it. Welcome aboard, guys. Whatever you do, don't bugger this up.

And that's about it. Brees, Austin, Marshall... they're set it and forget it. They've taken me this far... and by this far, I mean locked me in the bowels of the league standings until the last 4 Weeks. But I gotta let them do their thing. And let me say that it's fun to have the opportunity to play Cole again. He's an okay guy in small doses. Small, tie-me-down, inject-painfully-into-your-brain stem doses. Cause that's what this blog is all about. Friendship.

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