Friday, December 4, 2009

Week 13 Preview: Guru Voodoo

-C'mon, I carried the one!-

And lucky Week 13 is upon us. Will it spell doom for RWPilk's final rally into playoff contention? Or will it--... well, nothing really bad can happen to Cole's team now. He's clinched. But maybe something annoying will happen. Yes... yes, something dreadfully annoying. Maybe McNabb will suffer a hangnail. Or Matt Forte will kneel at the 1. Or Pilk will steal the last of Cole's laundry detergent for the week. Yes... yes, something dreadful indeed.

Current Standing: 10-2, 1st Overall

My fear when I started this season was that I am dangerously unqualified to run a fantasy sports blog, and that it would demonstrate itself over the course of the season. Anyone who's watched the abysmal performance of my receivers ("Jason Avant or Kenny Britt? Hmmm...") might argue that that's still the case, but by and large I haven't embarrassed myself this year. With one win, I wrap up the best regular-season record in the league.

It's the same in my other league with Ted and Mike. Ted and I both have 9-3 records, and are matching up head-to-head for the only time in the regular season. Since the playoffs start next week (two-week playoffs! I think I like it; more on that later), the winner gets the best regular season record. ESPN's predictions notwithstanding, it's hard not to feel like I'm the underdog. Look at that passing game: Brady! Moss! AP! LDT! Welker! ...Mendenhall? Oh, against the Raiders. Okay, Menden--ah, you get the point. Some shrewd roster manipulation by Mr. Hall, whose averaged 3 or 4 moves a week over the course of the season. You put that much time in, you deserve it. But, like I said, the "expert" predictions give me a 14-point edge, so my plucky little autodraft squad might stand a chance to ruin everyone's fun.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stare at the Seinfeld League scores for the next hour and pray that someone forgets to take out Matt Ryan.

Current Standing: 6-6, 5th overall

The CBS fantasy program has this thing, which I'm sure other fantasy hosting sites have, where it "predicts" what your players are going to score in the coming week. I would go on to detail what criteria is used to dictate how the "guru" comes up with these numbers, but I have no idea. That's the point. Break it down for the Moses', O Guru of Gurus:

QB Brees (v WAS): 21
RB McCoy (v ATL): 15
RB Sproles (v CLE): 2 (#%@$!)
WR Wayne (v TEN): 14
WR Austin (v NYG): 13
TE Boss (v DAL): 10
WR Marhsall (v KC): 14
K Gould (v STL): 11
DST Packers (v BAL): 7

That's a 107 sum. A good score. Why all the calculating? Because this week, the guru has me beating our guest columnist Gina, who arguably has the scariest team in the league. There are no byes or big injuries, just straight starters. God knows I'm no calculatin' Cole, like upstairs there, so I admit, I've relied on the guru a few times for some answers. And they're almost always wrong answers.

The guru has never ever been right. Not really. And now, this week, I have to ask that it is.



  1. Pfft you had nothing to worry about. 75% of my starting line up was injured this week and totally useless.

  2. You left in DeAngelo Williams while he was inactive? Thanks.

    No frowns though, you're already in the playoffs.