-Are you ready for some embarrassment?!-October 5th, 2009
8:30pm EST on ESPN
Welcome one and all! Sit back and bear witness to a fantasy football showdown: you're at a Sweet, Sweet Flacco Action! live blogging extravaganza! How this works - RWPilk and Cole will write in real time with the airing of the game listed above. The blog entries will work downward on this page, the most recent writing occurring at the bottom of the page. All you'll need to do is occasionally hit your REFRESH button of your internet browser to keep up with the mayhem! So kick back and enjoy!
And for those that don't know, this was Cole and I's first and only match up week in our league And I'm sorry to say that, barring some kind of Green Bay D miracle tonight (40+ points) he will win. But more on that later. MNF is on Packers! Vikings! That Favre guy! Let's do it!
Cole
Aaaand Mike Tirico kicks off with hyperbole #1: "If you built a Mount Rushmore of Green Bay, B**** F**** would be on it." Sigh.
RWPilk
Who else would be on it? A dairy cow?
Cole
I dunno ... Vince Lombardi? Bart Starr? Curly Lambeau? Aaannd... yeah all right, fine. F****. Hyperbole continues, by the way. I'm pretty sure Adrian Peterson is not the best runner of all time after one full season.
RWPilk
Bryan, looking into the crowd, can we possibly quantify how many bad hats we're gonna see tonight? Cheese. Horns. This has gotta be the worst game to attend and actually sit behind someone.
Cole
Donald Lee with an athletic move, and the Pack is having some success with the short game on the first drive; they're already near the 50.
RWPilk
"He could play in space!" ...I don't know what that means, announcer man. And a fumble. Here we go Packers D! What are the chances of 17 sacks and 21 picks?
Cole
Welp, You-Know-Who is on the field now. For those of you playing the F**** drinking game, my condolences to your families, as you clearly won't survive this. Please note, by the way, F**** is working with Adrian Peterson, not vice versa. If this team succeeds, it's because Peterson runs over everyone. Or because F**** doesn't throw 90 picks.
RWPilk
Taunting! I don't get points for taunting, Packers! Jesus. Keep the pie holes shut and just sack, sack, sack.
Cole
Look on the bright side: one big hit, and the fate of the Vikings rests in the hands of one Tarvaris Jackson. Or Sage Rosenfels.
RWPilk
Ah, and there it is. He was wide open! What are you people doing!? Adrian Peterson! And, by the way, is it just me or does Favre look like a kid wearing his dad's clothes? That jersey is like Refrigerator Perry size! -rimshot- That's right folks, I just made a successful NFL joke. I know a little bit.
Cole
Nooo! Pilk! Ixnay on the intelligence. You'll blow our cover!
RWPilk
Actually I only know that because I know the a jeweler who worked for the company that produced the Superbowl rings that year for the Steelers. He said you could fit a dachshund in Perry's ring. A dachshund! Anyway. Awesome play, Packers. And now it's a game.
Cole
...Perry played for the Bears. He shuffled and everything! Back to normal. Phew. And just in time for F**** to retake the field.
RWPilk
Is it too much ask for a pick? Aw thanks, Harvin. I need more Vikings to down themselves in the backfield. And I'm gonna go out on a limb and say pause for that. I'll sleep better.
Colebag, can we talk about the Eagles for a moment? We both got some big guns coming back for week 5. And I know, at least in my case, it's not soon enough.
Cole
Oh what, now? Oops. Okay. I know McNabb practiced today, haven't heard anything about Westbrook yet.
Uh oh. Meanwhile, Rodgers gets his bell rung on a huge sack and a terrible pass. Looks more and more like Brett every day, huh Pack fans.
RWPilk
"All these Packers are trying to hit Favre right now!" Yeah. Because one good hit will remind Favre it's past his bedtime. You have weeding to do tomorrow, Brett! Weeding!
Cole
You know, this drive Peterson's been held more or less in check and F****'s been carving up the Packers' D, just like on that TD pass to Sidney Rice. Still gotta work on those celebrations with Chester Taylor, though.
RWPilk
For those watching at home who aren't getting enough Favre mentions, Sears is here to fill that void in your life. Good God. Just when you thought it was safe to watch commercial breaks. Alright, back to the game!
Cole
Vikings' defense shuts down Rodgers again, and someone's looking like an idiot for picking the Pack +3.5. And that'd be me. Oh well, still up after the week in my picks league.
RWPilk
Oh! Take it, Peterson! That a DTD for my team! Whahahahaha! You go and you think about that, Adrian!
Cole
Whoa! Good morning. What a hit on the kickoff return. Vikes get the ball back and, I assume, so will Peterson. The Packers are awake again.
RWPilk
That was a pick! C'mon refs! Oh, good christ! Stop talking about Favre's age. He's old... we all get it! I want him sacked and ground into some kind of fine, milk soluble powder. Cheers!
Cole
Oh, I see you're doing a good job making up for a mostly sober first half.
Meanwhile, can someone tell Jon Gruden we don't care what he looked like in 1992? Please, Jon, shut your face already. As we hit halftime, I never thought I'd say it, but I almost miss Tony Kornheiser. Wait, no I don't.
RWPilk
Alright. 2nd half. I'm trying to get excited, but not even Kid Rock helps. I got a bad feeling for Green Bay. Whoa that guy spray-painted his cheesehead black! "Favre for life!" I'm frightened! And there's a connection for Favre... and some guy. God dammit!
Cole
I believe that's spelt, "Favre 4 Life." Maybe "4 Lyfe" even. And you know your defense is in trouble when your cornerback is fixing his mouthpiece as his man coasts into the end zone.
RWPilk
Apparently we have a guy following SSFA! for actual sports news. Holy god. Didn't think it would happen. For the record, it's GB 14 Vikings 28, 3rd quarter. So, there you go buddy. Thanks for following? lol Wow.
Cole
Can you tell that we're new/not good at this? A big shout out to Lone Star College and whatever anonymous teacher is depending on us for updates...you poor bastard. On the off chance it's not blocked, here's the GameTracker.
Meanwhile, while we spent the last 10 minutes trying to figure out where the hell Lone Star College is, the Packers have taken the ball down to the Minnesota 35, as Rodgers is connecting through the air as the pocket collapses. Nothing deep, but infinite eight-yard passes will get you there eventually.
RWPilk
Thank GOD that wasn't a fumble, and the "body part of the arm" wasn't a crucial factor. The Vikings are still stopping them on the line! C'mon Packers! Go for it on 4th down!
Cole
Fourth down from the 1.5 yard line, and GB goes empty backfield...and Donald Lee drops the pass in the end zone! Right through his hands, and a turnover on downs. Aaron Rodgers is understandably disappointed.
RWPilk
Well, I can still hope for a safety! Mwahahahaha! The most embarrassing of NFL scores! I have to say though, that was some incredible red zone defense for the Vikings.
Cole
I don't understand why the Vikings are still throwing so much here. You have Peterson, why not use him? You run down a lot more clock than F**** gunning incompletions down the sideline.
Oh, and that's the end of the 3rd quarter, still 28-14 Vikings.
Cole
Interesting play call by the Vikings: Wildcat formation, reverse gets the ball to Sidney Rice, who looks downfield before scrambling out of the pocket and wisely throwing the ball well out of bounds. Vikings punt the ball away with 13 minutes left, and called 8 passes to 3 runs during that drive. As exciting as those kind of plays are to watch, if I were a Vikings fan, I would be having a coronary about the play calling come December.
-A reenactment of the tonight's MNF announcing. C'mon people-
RWPilk
Alright. I'm not writing about Favre ever again. I've had my fill for a lifetime tonight. Just one more touchdown would make this an interesting game. Green Bay is getting another shot. Let's see what happens!
Cole
Welcome to the club, Pilk. And you know, they keep talking about how great a game F**** is having, but Rodgers has been sacked six times and F**** hasn't even hit the artificial turf recently. Add that to the fact that Ryan Grant is getting killed trying to get the ball out of his own end zone -- oop! and another sack/turnover for the Vikes' D. Conclusion: Minnesota has a world-class offensive line and defensive line. Meanwhile, the announcers have talked about how "courageous" the Vikings' ownership is, but would you hear about the line play? Yeah right.
Green Bay challenged that it was an incomplete pass rather than a fumble. Replays make it look like a safety. And Jaworski just said taking a safety is better than giving up a touchdown for the Packers. Uh, no, because the Vikings get the ball after a safety, which leads to (a) the potential for more points, and (b) more time off the clock. Attaboy, Ron.
With the reversal, Minnesota picks up two points and it's now 30-14 with 7:21 left.
RWPilk
Mike Tirico "I know we mentioned Favre is gonna turn 40 a couple of times..." A couple of times?! Jesus Christ! I think I know his shoe size, his darkest fear, and the name of his 4th grade teacher by now. Sigh. For the record: it's Packers 14, Vikings 30. 5 min left in the 4th quarter.
Cole
Rodgers' scrambling leads to a 33-yard touchdown for Jordy Nelson. The 2-point conversion fails though, because -- surprise surprise -- the Vikings apply way too much pressure. 30-20 with 3:40 left.
RWPilk
Well, I hate to say it, but it looks pretty bleak for the Packers. Especially after the missed 2pts. Packers trail by 10 in the final 3 1/2 minutes. You know Bryan, I was just reading an article about how a significant portion of the Packers team didn't even play with Favre so were not "fired up" for this game. I would have disagreed in the the first half. But now... maybe a little.
Cole
I'm not worried about that, to be honest. That's the kind of "hindpsychology" that everyone uses after the game but is completely worthless beforehand.
Speaking of worthless, let's talk about Brad Childress' terrible playcalling. After the Packers use their last timeout, Childress calls a long bomb that of course falls incomplete and gives the Packers the ball back after a mere 30 seconds. Terrifying. I said it before, I'll say it again: the Vikes win despite Childress, not because of him. Grant goes out of bounds and Green Bay is scrambling for some points with just under 2 minutes left.
RWPilk
Good God, coach McCarthy. You're the picture of confidence. Turning through your little playbook 2-ring binder like an 8th grader in desperate need of his hw. Shaking your head like you have absolutely no idea what's going on. You're killin' me man! And the seconds tick down. I congratulate Bryan on a good win this week. My team did not deliver. More on that tomorrow. Cole, some closing thoughts?
Cole
Degenerate gamblers everywhere were screaming at their TVs for Green Bay to score a touchdown and cover the spread.
Oh Christ. Now Michelle Tafoya drools over B**** F**** in the usual self-serving interview. The worst of the worst, as F**** says, "I'm always emotional," with tears in his eyes. Oh really. Well, Manny Ramirez just called; says he has some hormones to help with your menopause.
And then Mike Tirico adds insult to injury by throwing in, "You're probably sick of hearing about the drama." Yeah. Yeah we are. And now Trent Dilfer just called him, "absolute magic". I hate all types of things now.
RWPilk
And that concludes our 2nd live blog! Stay tuned for more fantasy hilarity tomorrow and thanks to all who joined us for the insanity tonight. I think I speak for both Cole and I when I say... Screw this! I'm going to bed.
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