There's only one George Lopez

- "Who wants ice cream after the game??" -

Cole
Current Standing: 5-2, 3rd Overall

Before we embark on the crapfest that's going to be my World Series prediction, I'm going to toot my own horn here (pause) and point out that I really did a good job in the AL playoff post. Only one game off for all three series! Just goes to show, every once in a while I know what I'm talking about.

But now I have to talk about the National League, and I have no desire to and no knowledge. I know, it's never stopped me before. But maybe I'm just bitter that the Yankees outbid the Red Sox in the eBay auction that is the offseason, winding up with the coveted item that is the American League pennant, bolstered by the free shipping that is the AL's All-Star Game-based home field advantage, not to mention the positive feedback of multiple individual awards.

(I can see the headline now: LOCAL ANALOGY TORTURED, MUTILATED BEFORE DEATH.)

All right, fine. In the interest of completeness, here's what I expect over the next seven games (if necessary).

• Someone will make a huge deal out of the fact the Phillies took two of three from the Yankees in May. Someone will be very, very wrong.
  
• Tim McCarver will make an ass of himself, and sabermetric-minded baseball fans will shed a single tear as they realize Fire Joe Morgan is down.
  
• Yankee fans will endlessly chant, "Who's Your Daddy?", when Pedro Martinez takes the mound for Game 2. No one will think to dress as Don Zimmer.
  
• Alex Rodriguez will be beloved by Yankee fans throughout the series for his play thus far in the playoffs, but will be back to the familiar scapegoat role if they lose, and probably hated again by March anyway. Nothing he does on the field will affect this.
  
• The Phillies will get screwed over by the whole "not-having-a-real-DH" thing at least once. Media types everywhere will work themselves into a frenzy, demanding changes in the offseason. There will be none.
  
• At least one game will be decided by a blown call. Media types everywhere will work themselves into a frenzy, demanding more instant replay in the offseason. There will be none.
  
• Said call will favor the Yankees. It just will. Accept it. The sun will rise in the east, the tide will ebb and flow, Palestinians and Israelis will hate each other, TBS will endlessly rerun the same terrible commercials for their crappy shows, Joe Buck will engender hatred, and the Yankees will get the breaks in the postseason. It's how the world works.
  
• An exorbitant number of home runs will be hit in Yankee Stadium. (Luis Castillo will be in position to catch one, and drop it.) At least one game will feature more than 20 runs.
  
• The Yankees will win 4-1, much to the disappointment of everyone outside the Tri-State area, especially those who wanted a competitive series. Meanwhile, some fourth-grader in Ossining will hand in an essay entitled, "Now I Can Die in Peace".

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Almost Sunny in Philadelphia

- "Another home run? Boy could I use a beer..." -

Cole

It's a little bit strange for this blog to have two Philly-based posts in a row, so let me counteract that by saying: TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY TOM BRADY!*

Ahem. Sorry.

But it is a good day to be a sports fan in Philly. Regardless of what you think of Michael Vick, he served his time, he has been reinstated (sort of) and the Eagles see fit to take a chance on him. Now Andy Reid will do his best to earn his reputation as an offensive genius, either by working Vick into the existing offense or adopting a version of the Wildcat formation that Miami ran so successfully last year. Imagine that with two professional quarterbacks. The possibilities are exciting, and football fans can expect to see some big numbers on the Linc's scoreboard.

You could argue that the signing was just gamesmanship, that the Eagles don't really plan to use Vick and were just preventing a division rival like the Redskins from upgrading. Or you could argue that the move is really just to give them depth if/when McNabb gets injured and Kevin Kolb disappoints. But I disagree: you don't spend $1.6 million in a league with a salary cap on gamesmanship or third QBs. Even McNabb's comments granting him five snaps a game ring hollow: Five snaps? That's it?

If you don't like the move (insert snarky dog joke here) then you can at least take solace in the fact that the guy who dumped a beer on outfielder Shane "The Flyin' Hawaiian" Victorino turned himself in yesterday to Chicago police. He now faces two counts of battery and one count of extreme douchebaggery.

We here at SSFA! pride ourselves on our objective reporting, so let's look at the evidence here.


Okay, there are three things in this picture that give it away.
1. Those sunglasses: what are you, Kanye West?
2. That sweatband: what year is this, 1983?
3. The whole throwing-a-beer-at-a-baseball-player thing (not pictured, but there's video evidence here): those things aren't cheap, you know.

Now, if I can direct your attention to Figure 2 for a second here...


4. "It was totally that guy! I swear on my Ed Hardy jeans!"

Verdict: Douchy as charged. All right, I'll stop. The guy's been getting piled on enough (pause), and at least he turned himself in, I guess. But deliberately throwing a beer at a player? Come on. You don't see people chucking those aluminum bottles at Johnny Damon from the Monster seats^, and we hate that guy. Good thing Victorino caught the ball, by the way, or you'd see a lot more copycats.

________
*-In all seriousness, I thought Rob's favorite player looked pretty good for the most part last night, and his timing on the few deep throws he tried was right on. Good sign for Pats fans.
^-Not that I'm suggesting anything.

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Welcome Back Pedro*

- This way, at least, he won't blow out his arm in July. -

Cole

I want to root for Pedro Martinez.

Is that so wrong? Is that too much to ask?

From the moment Dan Duquette traded Tony Armas Jr and Carl Pavano for him back in the winter of 1997, I always loved watching him pitch. And for years he never let me down, outdueling everyone he went up against, posting video game-like statistics and even helping the team finally win a World Series.

Sure, I wasn't happy when he signed with the Mets that offseason, but I knew from a business standpoint, it didn't make sense to guarantee Pedro a fourth year; that everyone knew he had maybe three good years in him before he broke down. Still, I was a little disappointed when everyone turned out to be right and he opened the spring without a contract, pitching his heart out for the Dominican in the World Baseball Classic.

But now he's back, pitching for the Phillies in the same number 45 he's worn his whole career, and picking up his first win last night against the Cubs with a lot of help from the offense. His line was a pedestrian three runs and seven hits over five innings, but two of those runs and three of those hits came in the fifth. For a first start, it's not terrible, especially given his five strikeouts and one walk. His fastball even showed signs of life, hitting 94 at one point.

It's a good pickup for Philly, really, since he'll serve as a decent fifth starter as the regular season winds down, and provide some important long relief in the playoffs. Besides, his press conferences are already up to his usual high comic standard. So there's a real possibility he'll play a key role in determining how deep the Phillies go into the playoffs, and in all likelihood will be interesting to watch and root for.

The real problem with rooting for Pedro is the same problem that comes with rooting for David Ortiz or Alex Rodriguez or Albert Pujols. A pitcher who performed at such a high level -- until testing started -- is going to raise questions, fair or unfair. If the worst should happen and Pedro's name is leaked, expect no brotherly love from the Philadelphia media, and the usual talk of "clubhouse cancer" to follow someone who (by and large) has avoided that charge throughout his career.

Which brings me back to my main point: I don't want to start following Pedro now, knowing that this huge specter looms over everything he accomplished in Boston, everything I respected him for. And it's not fair to Pedro, really, because no one who knows what they're talking about has ever hinted Martinez took steroids or failed a drug test.

The steroid era has made it nearly impossible to enjoy the performances of individual players anymore. If that means that, as Jerry Seinfeld once said, fans are really just rooting for laundry, it's going to make me reconsider some things.

Because the road jerseys and alternates the Sox are wearing this year are brutal.

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