Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Step Right Up and Beat the Mets

- Nice season, pretty boy. -

Current Standing: 1-0, 6th Overall

So you're a lifelong Devil Rays fan. And you had high hopes coming into 2009 of your beloved team making it back to the Fall Classic. Or you're a die-hard Ranger fan. And you had no hopes to start, but the team played great all season only to idle just on the wrong side of the playoff picture.

Just remember to be grateful you're not a Mets fan.

Joe DiMaggio once famously said, "I'd like to thank the Good Lord for making me a Yankee," a quote plastered in meter-high letters on the facade of the old Yankee Stadium. And you, dear reader, should be thanking your respective higher powers for not condemning you to New York's second string.

At this point, to avoid dragging up these painful memories in Mets fans, I'll elaborate on this point after the jump. Any Mets fan who follows is clearly masochistic. Okay? Okay.

Now then. Other people have done a more thorough job than I ever could of compiling the laundry list of the Mets' injuries this year, so I won't bother trying to do that. I'll just link to this one, from the Wall Street Journal. But if you don't have time for all that, know that every member of the Mets' projected starting nine -- from Carlos Delgado to Carlos Beltran -- has spent time on the disabled list. Shortstop Jose Reyes has been inactive since Memorial Day. Contrast that with good luck charm and occasional ace Johan Santana, whose underwhelming second season in Queens only ended August 25.

You want more evidence the team is snakebit? Just look at the results on the field. It's not enough that the team is 20 games back on the Phillies and eliminated from wild card contention before the NFL season got underway. You could, after all, dismiss that as injury-based. But what about that game-ending triple play from a few weeks ago?

Not your thing? You'd prefer purer baserunning blunders? Cool.

No? How about fielding to make Manny Ramirez blush? There's plenty to choose from.

Or maybe you want one big "Stomach-Punch" loss against the crosstown rivals, in the most heartbreaking fashion possible. Once again, the Mets gladly oblige.

I know what you need. You need a symbol: a big, unwieldy, $700-million debacle of a stadium. A stadium whose construction bonds are in the crapper. A stadium whose naming rights were sold to a company something like 15 minutes before the company started begging for government intervention. A stadium that is already falling apart, leading fans to complain, "Yankee fans must've built this place." A stadium that was opened with all manner of wacky shenanigans: cats running on the field, pitchers falling down mid-delivery, a leadoff home run by the other team, and an aggravating -- you can't even call it "heartbreaking", really, it doesn't qualify -- loss to the equally terrible Padres. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Debits Shitty Citi Fi ... no, you know what? Let's just call it the New Shea Stadium.

With all that, it's no wonder owner Fred Wilpon is rumored to be trying to sell the team. Well, that and the Bernie Madoff losses he endured.

Well, it's almost over now. Take solace in football season, Mets fans. At least you don't have to hear about B**** F**** all the damn time now.

No comments:

Post a Comment