Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Holy Hand/Eye Coordination, Bruce!

Current Standing: 4-4, 7th overall

Let's jump on this weird sports video headline before it fades in to the distance like so many spent cans of clean, crisp Simpler Times ale. The Kings and the Spurs were playing the other night-- wait a second. Can I pause for a second and address that NBA sports teams names are the worst in American sports? The Spurs? The Nuggets? The Utah Jazz? Is jazz really the first thing you think of when Utah comes to mind? I think my favorite is the Toronto Raptors. Bam! The Raptors! From Toronto. Founded right after the popularity of Jurassic Park, the Toronto Raptors sounds like a 90s artifact. How about the Tennessee Pogs? Are they a team? How about the Bangor Trapper Keepers? I'd like to play them.

Anyway, I digress. The video speaks for itself. Some crazy bat interrupted the game the other night, and Manu Ginobili swatted it out of the air in one shot. Nice job, Ginobili. Didn't you notice the little bat-camera on its back?! Now how will Batman know if the Joker was in attendance or not?! Selfish, selfish bastard.

Like clockwork, the USA's very own terrorist organization reared its self-important, veggie burger-shaped head. What up, PETA?

Bats always try to avoid contact with humans, and there are plenty of easy ways to keep bats out of a basketball arena (or your home). We hope that the next time someone’s life is on the line, Manu Ginobili will take just a few seconds to think before he acts.

Oh, what was that PETA? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I was just about to bite into this chicken, veal, bacon burger. With a side of unicorn fries. Yeah, and I'm sprinkling this guy everything. Mmm, mmm good. When I'm done, I'll be sure to address your public statement where you refer to a bat as "somone". In the meantime, pass the salt.

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