Playooooffs??? You Talkin About Playooooffs???

-Are you excited? Yeah, me neither to be honest...-

DennyP!

Guest Columnist

So it was a lazy, rainy Saturday afternoon here at the home base for SSFA! Normally things are very exciting around here: yelling at cats, drinking beers on the couch, playing darts for hours at a time because no one can close out on bullseye. Today I needed a rest from such 'excitement', so I just sat and watched some good old-fashioned college football.

It was the matchup of all matchups! #1 Florida versus #2 Alabama squaring off for the SEC Championship. Only the 4th time in college football history #1 has faced #2 in a non-bowl game. Sixty-nine year old Verne Lundquist was as giddy as a school boy to broadcast this game. But hey, i guess he is a young school boy compared to broadcaster Vin Scully.

Watching this game, I felt obligated to raise the issue of whether college football should have a playoff to decide the National Championship. Now normally I do not get too excited about playoffs in general because often the 'best' team does not win:

• The NBA playoffs are dreadful because the style of the game changes compared to the regular season. Its much more physical, teams can't fastbreak if they want to, and the refs call the fouls differently. Just ask the up-tempo Pheonix Suns every year or especially the 2007 Dallas Mavericks who were an NBA best 67-15 and lost their opening playoff series.


• The NFL playoffs are notorious for the 'best' team not winning because its single elimination. Although I admit its not always the case, can you honestly disagree and say the Pittsburgh Steelers and Arizona Cardinals were the two best teams in football last year! I would also love to use 2007 as a classic example (the 10-6 Giants beating the 16-0 Pats) but I won't being incredibly biased on this issue...

However, I feel like a playoff would be perfect for college football. Hundreds of teams only play 13 games or so there is no way all the key rivals face each other. We all know the deal, a computer picks the two best teams and they face off with at least 1 team getting snubbed and never getting a chance to prove themselves. Its not rocket science, just add more teams and have a 4 or 8 team playoff to decide the title. There's even a 3 week layoff between this weekend's conference championships and the title game. BRILLIANT!

Take this year's results. Alabama spanked #1 Florida in the SEC Championsip to go undefeated at 13-0 and solidify them as the top dog. But now who do they play for the National Championship??? Undefeated Texas? Undefeated TCU? Undefeated Cincinnati? Undefeated Boise State? All these teams have not lost a game and, for 3 of them, that won't be good enough to be considered for a title (and its not the first time for Boise State who was the ONLY undefeated team in 2006 but were not chosen to play in the National Championship)?!

I think this is rather obvious. If you want to name a college football champion, then have a playoff. I have no problem keeping the long-standing tradition of the bowl games, but please, do not call a single team the best because a computer said so. I dunno fellow sports enthusiasts, what do you think?

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They're Talking About Practice

-Perhaps he should have been making his teammates better.-

RWPilk

Current Standing: 5-5, tied for 7th overall

First of all, you media types should stop referring to Allen Iverson as "A.I." I can't afford to spend more time clicking on NBA headlines hoping to hear about basketball-playing robots. I have things to do. My time is valuable.

Anyway, the non-robotic Allen Iverson just recently parted ways with the Grizzlies and the New York Knicks are already kinda considering bringing him aboard. But not really. At least not yet.

Despite my love that fateful press conference, I don't know much about Iverson. He skipped practice, I hear, and is largely unhappy on the teams he plays for. But, yet, always on a team. What's the deal? This happens to a lot of players. T.O. comes to mind. Randy Moss was one of these types until Belichick reigned him in. A-Rod was on a few teams before being on a team that requires you to be an asshole (there you go, Sawx fans). You know, these players that kinda seem poisonous to organizations, yet can't really be ignored because of their talent/hype. More so their hype. Once you're on a magazine cover, it's hard for teams that are 1-9 to leave you unemployed.

I don't mind. If there's one thing that keeps me watching sports it's personality. With a capital P. Remember Carl Everett? Where's that guy been? Playing for something called Atlantic League of Professional Baseball. Screw that, let's get this guy his own radio show. Are you there, Carl? I'm listening.

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Holy Hand/Eye Coordination, Bruce!

RWPilk

Current Standing: 4-4, 7th overall

Let's jump on this weird sports video headline before it fades in to the distance like so many spent cans of clean, crisp Simpler Times ale. The Kings and the Spurs were playing the other night-- wait a second. Can I pause for a second and address that NBA sports teams names are the worst in American sports? The Spurs? The Nuggets? The Utah Jazz? Is jazz really the first thing you think of when Utah comes to mind? I think my favorite is the Toronto Raptors. Bam! The Raptors! From Toronto. Founded right after the popularity of Jurassic Park, the Toronto Raptors sounds like a 90s artifact. How about the Tennessee Pogs? Are they a team? How about the Bangor Trapper Keepers? I'd like to play them.

Anyway, I digress. The video speaks for itself. Some crazy bat interrupted the game the other night, and Manu Ginobili swatted it out of the air in one shot. Nice job, Ginobili. Didn't you notice the little bat-camera on its back?! Now how will Batman know if the Joker was in attendance or not?! Selfish, selfish bastard.

Like clockwork, the USA's very own terrorist organization reared its self-important, veggie burger-shaped head. What up, PETA?

Bats always try to avoid contact with humans, and there are plenty of easy ways to keep bats out of a basketball arena (or your home). We hope that the next time someone’s life is on the line, Manu Ginobili will take just a few seconds to think before he acts.

Oh, what was that PETA? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I was just about to bite into this chicken, veal, bacon burger. With a side of unicorn fries. Yeah, and I'm sprinkling this guy everything. Mmm, mmm good. When I'm done, I'll be sure to address your public statement where you refer to a bat as "somone". In the meantime, pass the salt.

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Ye Olde NBA

-Paul: the cute one.-

Welcome, O Faithful Readers! You may not be aware of this, but aside from being fantasy football rivals, Cole and RWPilk like to enjoy the finer things in life. Shucking oysters. Reading the New Yorker. Or perhaps yelling at the various cats they've had to live with. Yes, it's all very sophisticated. But when such tasks are required, we must look to a new face to bring us news they may not be qualified (or interested enough) to present. We look to guest writers. Now, in a special SSFA! presentation, we welcome DennyP! to usher us into the Boston Celtics 2009 season in the NBA. Take it away, Denny...

DennyP!

CAN YOU HEAR IT?!?!?!?!

Ladies and gentlemen, the NBA and my beloved Celtics are back!

Now my fellow bloggers and I see eye to eye on many things, namely yelling at the various cats we've had to live with. But the NBA is not one of them! So for better or for worse, you are stuck with me to satisfy your basketball cravings which I hope does not come close to Brian Scalabrine's cravings for italian bread dipped in olive oil and pasta in a white wine cream sauce.

Now I'm only about 40 hrs late to give you a Celtics preview, but there have already been two games thusfar with an impressive 2-0 start. Seems kinda pointless to go over the offseason at this point in time, but so are the unfollowed rules in the NBA like the 'carry' and traveling...

Key Acquisitions:

• Rasheed Wallace - Signed as a free agent and saved from the sinking ship that is the Detroit Pistons. One of the best power forwards in the league when he actually tries, and I have no doubt KG will use him as a punching bag if he doesnt. Most impressive to me so far this season is how well Rasheed has fit in chemistry-wise the first two games.
• Marquis Daniels - Athletic swingman and good scorer who signed as a free agent. He started for the emerging (but still not good) Indiana Pacers last season, and is now Paul Pierce's backup. And he has dreadlocks, nice! Thought he played well against Cleveland.
• Shelden Willams - Big man to play defense and grab rebounds off the bench. Picture a PJ Brown that cant shoot, or a Miki Moore that can lift more than 10 lbs, or Scott Pollard if he was the least bit athletic, or...you get the idea.
• Lester Hudson - Rookie guard and 2nd round draft pick. His first name is Lester, dont expect much people.

Key Losses

• Leon Powe - [Moment of silence] So sad to see him go, he was a true Celtic, a great player and a great worker, so down-to-earth and a class act. So rare nowadays. Maybe thats why I'm writing this now and the NBA is not one of "the finer things in life". Hmmm
• Gabe Pruitt - Meh. I really liked him as a player but he wasnt used much for some reason. I usually trust the Celtics brass, we'll see whether he makes an impact elsewhere.
• Miki Moore...wait no!
• Stephon Marbury....NOO!!! If only he was as good at basketball as being in front of a webcam.

So in conclusion, I feel pretty good about this season! *Knock on wood* We have the same starting five that has arguably dominated the NBA the past two seasons, kept our important role players, and have a bench that includes 3 starters from last year (Rasheed, Daniels, and Big Baby when he returns in 6-8 weeks and im going to resist the urge to make an obvious pun) one of which is an All-Star. The bench is what I think the difference maker was in the win against Cleveland. Not many NBA stars can play 45 min per game anymore like in the 'Ye Olde NBA' so depth plays a huge role. I think the Celtics' bench is as big of a weapon as the NBA refs making sure you cover the point spread. Did I just say that...whoops!

At the start of the home opener, the light show thats albeit awesome but Red Auerbach might roll over in his grave if he saw it started with 'We Reloaded. Now Its Your Turn. Are You Ready?' I think the 2009-2010 Celtics has more weapons than the team that won Banner #17, and I am ready!

You stay classy Boston, I'm DennyP?

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Bond Villain Buys Nets

-The name's Blog. James Blog.-

RWPilk

Current Standing: 1-1, 5th overall

Oh, faithful SSFA! readers, brace yourselves for world domination.

The big NBA news this week is that Russia's richest man, Mikhail Prokhorov (yeah, I need a Ricola after saying that name) has taken a break from strapping James Bond to a circular saw to buy the greatest force the modern age has ever known: The New Jersey Nets.

You hear that? That's the sound of M and Bond shaking in their boots, just before Bond gets a tetanus shot so he can travel to New Jersey. The Nets? Seriously? Why would the most evil man in the world buy a team that landed 28 games behind the league leader Celtics last year (thanks to Cole for the stat)? Oh, we're not in the Cold War anymore? Well. Still.

After reading ESPN's article, I can't help but fantasize about this guy's evil world-conquering plans. Right in the text it says he was held for 4 days in France for a prostitution investigation and is seen in all the "glitzy" hot spots in Europe. How is this not out of an Ian Fleming novel? How does this guy not have a satellite laser pointed at Fort Knox or something?

My literary geekdom aside, there are mixed feelings over Russia's newest acquisition in the NBA community. On one hand, he's helping build a new stadium in Brooklyn. On the other, he's an overseas playboy who admitted on his blog he wants to buy the Nets to gain access to American basketball training to steal for Russian leagues. Sounds like a trustworthy guy. If I was Nets fan, my confidence would be shaken. Not stirred.

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The Greatest Ever. Cheer Up.

-Yeah. It's safe to shut your mouth now.-

RWPilk

Current Standing: 1-0, tied for 2nd overall

What up, peeps? All seems right in the world now that football is back in swing and fall is in the air. Cole and I are still working on a work flow that will include a Monday post (or two) to rock your sad little worlds. In the meantime, check out our teams and vote in that poll over there by the right. Yeah. Right there.

This story broke over the weekend, but people are still yappin' about it. A few years ago, my basketball-loving buddy told me that Michael Jordan wasn't exactly the epic, martian-smoking hero most remember so fondly from Space Jam and that actually, he's kinda a douche to fellow players and a competitive maniac with friends and family (including his kids). I kind of forgot about it, but MJ was inducted into the Hall of Fame last week, and something was a little familiar about it.

What most expected to be a tearful, triumphant cap to an incredible (albeit, sometimes bizarre) career, turned into a big, bitter "I told you so!" to everyone who's ever done his Airness any wrong since high school. Literally. In his acceptance speech, Jordan called out everyone from the high school coach who infamously cut him (“I wanted to make sure you understood: You made a mistake, dude.”) to Bryon Russell of Utah who called out Jordan during his White Sox stint (“From this day forward, if I ever see him in shorts, I’m coming at him.”).

Alright, granted: It's Michael freakin' Jordan and poking a little fun at some past haters ain't no crime. But isn't the Hall of Fame enough to relax a little? You're literally standing at the front of a massive room full of industry peers all agreeing that you're the best ever. You gotta settle the score with everyone who ever forgot to hold the door for you? Jordan was even thorough enough to take a jab at his kids. "I wouldn't want to be you tonight." You heard him, kids. You might as well move permanently into your parents' basement right now. Your old man is the best ever. The best! How you gonna come at that?

Always a good sport, Bryon Russell challenged Jordan to a one-on-one match after the speech, offering to play for one of Jordan's private jets. Cool! Maybe you and MJ can all fly it back to 1996 where both of you can find people who care.

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It's just the guy's name, you jackass

RWPilk

Alright, so Colebag and I have realized that we've used a bit of slang around these parts that y'all might no be familiar with. Credit to our friend Nick for introducing to us the video above, in which, in an interview with angrier-than-thou director Spike Lee, broadcaster Gus Johnson tries to impress us all with a jaunty interjection he probably should have left behind in 8th grade. Witness yourself, in all its awkward glory, at the 22 sec mark, as Johnson tries to seamlessly drop "pause" in the middle of Lee's answer. We understand it's an oldie, but it's a goodie.

The Urban Dictionary defines pause as: Used to stop the "aye-yo"ing of a subject after a homosexual comment has been made. Also see "no homo." There you have it. With the subtly of a drunken air traffic controller, Gus Johnson tied to lighten a moment with Spike Lee by making sure everyone notice that Lee said "I like Dick." Who can blame him, really, with Lee's reputation for being a such a ham. A regular card, the life of every party. The real brilliance is watching Johnson wrestle with himself right before he says it. Should I do it? Should I do it? Screw it, I'm doing it!

And now the courage of Gus Johnson lives on, as we pledge to drop Pause in there as often and awkwardly as possible. It isn't an easy job, so many opportunities are few and far between. But no matter the length, or how hard it is, we gotta fit it in there.

Thanks, Gus.

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Shaqpot!

- #bromance -

RWPilk

So slow was the sports news day yesterday that I found myself trying squeeze a single drop of amusement from a Mexico defeats America soccer headline. But before I slipped into an infinite coma, I was saved by the "big black unit": You guessed it, SHAQ. Apparently, Shazam Shaquille was with Cardinal Albert Pujols to promote some reality show and referred to himself as "Shaqqie Robinson," sending the press giggling like a school girl being tackled by a dozen kittens.

I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy; perhaps I wasn't getting enough Shaqness in my life (now that it isn't 1998 anymore). But I suddenly remembered Twitter, and to my excellent fortune found THE_REAL_SHAQ. See for yourself, as I'm still trying to somehow quantify the ocean of priceless Shaqitude I've stumbled upon:

Attention all scrabble players, question, is pigsriot a word

Holy shit, I'm at the santa monica airport I just saw a lil plane crash, and the guy walk away, dam dam glad he's ok shit, excuse my words

Happy birthday , harry potter main charachter dude

Anybody seen that 7 year old kid driving, running from the cops

The white house wouldn't let me in, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Whoever told Shaq that Twitter is a magic telephone in which he can get instant responses to any idle curiousity that he asks at any given time... Let me buy you a drink. As you can clearly see, I no longer have any need for television, the cinema, radio, or any form of print media entertainment. I have THE_REAL_SHAQ. And it's more than enough. Tweet on, Shaqinator. Tweet on.

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