Week 14 Recap: Playoff Bound!

-It's good?! It's fan-freakin'-tastic!!!-

In tale that couldn't have been written, the SSFA! fantasy football battle plunges into high drama! In an long-shot comeback, RWPilk's team has swept its division... and earned a place in the playoffs! Now, Cole must lead his 1st place team into a re-match for the ages! Stay with us, folks, it doesn't get much better than this! The gauntlet is thrown, and all will finally know the truth about fantasy sports! Let's go to our authors now for the recap of these incredible events!

RWPilk

Current Standing: 8-6, 4th overall

This week, I have very little to say. But I think I've found something that sums it up quite nicely:



I won't gloat. Gloating would imply that I had something to do with the comeback my team has made. But that's not what my fantasy football theory is all about. Instead, I celebrate that my theory has legs... and the chance to be proven correct! Still, it feels good that my "team" went out and did exactly what it needed to do and swept my division (special shout out to WR Brandon Marshall for putting up record-breaking numbers). Fan-f***ing-tastic.

That is all. Ladies. Gentlemen. Cole? I'll see you all... next week.

Cole

Current Standing: 11-3, 1st Overall

You will never see a more disheartened 11-3 owner.

Beating the Moops 113-85 in the regular season finale was nice and all, but once again I left massive points on the bench thanks to Reggie Bush's two touchdowns and Matt Forte being, well, Khan.



So now I have a week to figure out how to get more than a dozen points out of my receivers. My options are Calvin Johnson (note to self: send Get Well Soon bouquet to Matt Stafford), Dwayne Bowe (off a suspension), Kenny Britt, Austin Collie, or Jerricho Cotchery (note to self: suicide = painless). And don't even bring up Greg "This-Could-Be-a-Good-Sleeper-TE-Pick" Olsen.

I'm off to the shrines I built to Chris Johnson and Ray Rice to see if they can't bail me out. Again. Time to call the boss and tell him I'm developing a severe illness that will incapacitate me for the next two weeks. How about shingles? Painful, contagious, common ... that might be the trick.

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Week 7 Preview: Sweet Home Chicago

- Is it live, or is it that huge-ass Jumbotron? -

And we hit the halfway mark. Week 7. And as the season marches on and Cole and RWPilk's records grow more competitive, whose fantasy sports theory will prove supreme?! -thunder crashes- Eh, we won't know for a while, but we like to say things and scary voices. Let's go to these two knuckleheads now for the rundown.

Cole

Current Standing: 5-1, 1st Overall

I don't even want to talk about this upcoming week. After three solid games in a row, I'm being decimated by bye weeks. Chris Johnson and Ray Rice take a breather, and my running back options are now Matt "Khan" Forte, Reggie Bush, and Jamal Lewis. I will now slam my head in the oven door repeatedly. With the gas on. I blame this on the fact that I constantly bragged about how deep I was at running back earlier in the season.

Seven weeks out, my first few picks were a debacle. There's Khan, of course, my first rounder, who has less points than any first round pick ... except Darren McFadden. Chris Johnson was a solid second-rounder, but I followed him with Calvin Johnson, one pick before Reggie Wayne and two before Marques Colston. Granted, both players were on my team last year and tortured me constantly, but missing Wayne was a huge mistake. And then, in round five, needing a quarterback, I decided that Donovan McNabb would be a safer pick than Matt Schaub. Let's ignore the fact that Ben Roethlisberger, with twice the points of McNabb, was still on the board, and I flat-out dismissed him. No, let's talk about which quarterback has the most fantasy points through six weeks. Hint: he plays in Texas, and not in a Cowboys uniform.

I'm ashamed to admit it but I'm a terrible drafter. It's impossible to make accurate predictions of the future in any field. Look at the quotes of Bill Gates scoffing at the Internet or Dr. Seuss' boatloads of rejection letters. But let's not get all philosophical here. Let's talk football.

In 2006, the top three consensus picks were Reggie Bush, Vince Young, and Matt Leinart. When New Orleans "earned" the second pick, the debate in the Crescent City revolved around which quarterback would replace Aaron Brooks. When the Houston Texans introduced the world to Mario Williams, they were universally excoriated for the pick. How could they pass up the playmaking capability of Reggie Bush? How could they ignore the hometown hero, Vince Young?

Flash forward three years, with the caveat that all four players still have a lot of time to cement their legacy and so forth. Bush (who, it turns out, practically took a pay cut to join the NFL) is the third-down back, behind two undrafted free agents. And Young suffered a near-breakdown last year, leaving his coach so underwhelmed that he rides the bench for an 0-6 game. Even when down 52 points. Don't forget Matt Leinart, who's started a grand sum total of 16 games in three plus years, currently holding a clipboard behind a 40-year-old full of question marks. And Williams? He's only coming off his first Pro Bowl appearance and second straight season with 12 or more sacks. So don't laugh too hard at Darius Heyward-Bey, because you never know.

Okay, yeah, I guess sometimes you do. Ha ha.

RWPilk

Current Standing: 3-3, tied for 7th overall

Another week of cautious optimism. Drew Brees and my Packers DST seem to be back into the swing of things. RB Brian “M*A*S*H Unit” Westbrook is still healthy and producing. RB Bradshaw is exceeding recent expectations. RB Larry Johnson had a half-way decent Week 6. Colts WR Reggie Wayne is back from his bye. And Neil Rackers is... still my kicker.

My dark horse this week is recent T.O. trade acquisition WR Miles Austin from Dallas. (That's funny, I once knew an Orlando from Miami). All eyes are on you, new guy. I'm a little concerned I have to rely on Tony Romo a little. Every time I glance at a Dallas game this guy looks like a deer in headlights. Or maybe it's just that big honkin' screen. Either way, get with the program, T-Bone.

I want more than a win this week though. I want Cole to lose. Bad. Look at'im. Scroll up and take a look at this smug 5-1 bastard. Somebody take him down. Somebody. Isn't McNabb due for another injury or something. C'mon.

Ah, I love the smell of HTML in the morning.

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