Week 14 Recap: Playoff Bound!

-It's good?! It's fan-freakin'-tastic!!!-

In tale that couldn't have been written, the SSFA! fantasy football battle plunges into high drama! In an long-shot comeback, RWPilk's team has swept its division... and earned a place in the playoffs! Now, Cole must lead his 1st place team into a re-match for the ages! Stay with us, folks, it doesn't get much better than this! The gauntlet is thrown, and all will finally know the truth about fantasy sports! Let's go to our authors now for the recap of these incredible events!

RWPilk

Current Standing: 8-6, 4th overall

This week, I have very little to say. But I think I've found something that sums it up quite nicely:



I won't gloat. Gloating would imply that I had something to do with the comeback my team has made. But that's not what my fantasy football theory is all about. Instead, I celebrate that my theory has legs... and the chance to be proven correct! Still, it feels good that my "team" went out and did exactly what it needed to do and swept my division (special shout out to WR Brandon Marshall for putting up record-breaking numbers). Fan-f***ing-tastic.

That is all. Ladies. Gentlemen. Cole? I'll see you all... next week.

Cole

Current Standing: 11-3, 1st Overall

You will never see a more disheartened 11-3 owner.

Beating the Moops 113-85 in the regular season finale was nice and all, but once again I left massive points on the bench thanks to Reggie Bush's two touchdowns and Matt Forte being, well, Khan.



So now I have a week to figure out how to get more than a dozen points out of my receivers. My options are Calvin Johnson (note to self: send Get Well Soon bouquet to Matt Stafford), Dwayne Bowe (off a suspension), Kenny Britt, Austin Collie, or Jerricho Cotchery (note to self: suicide = painless). And don't even bring up Greg "This-Could-Be-a-Good-Sleeper-TE-Pick" Olsen.

I'm off to the shrines I built to Chris Johnson and Ray Rice to see if they can't bail me out. Again. Time to call the boss and tell him I'm developing a severe illness that will incapacitate me for the next two weeks. How about shingles? Painful, contagious, common ... that might be the trick.

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Week 10 Recap: Cha-Ching!

-Lions and tigers and bears. Oh, my.-

And another bizarre week of NFL football blows past us. And a profitable one it was. Both Cole and RWPilk come away with wins against tough opponents. What's their secret? Snake oil? Magical beans? A golden goose? Nay! Just good, old-fashioned know-how. Let's go to them now and find out how the heck they did it!

Cole

Current Standing: 8-2, 1st Overall

It was an odd week in the annals of the NFL: Bill Belichick looked like an idiot, Maurice Jones-Drew had to apologize to his fantasy owners, an owner gave the bird to the team his team was facing, and Matt "Khan" Forte got more than 10 points for the week.

I'll talk about Belichick later in the week. For now, let's go with something easy: MJD kneeling at the one-yard line. Remember when Brian Westbrook did this a couple years ago? You know, back before all those concussions, when he still had enough brain cells to do something this smart?

The difference here is that the Jaguars were losing at the time. Down 22-21, Jones-Drew broke for the end zone with just under two minutes left on the clock. Once he broke the five, though, the Jets defenders wisely stepped aside, trying to get the ball back with the maximum amount of time for their offense. Jones-Drew denied them the satisfaction, however, going into an awkward slide so the Jags could run down the clock. David Garrard took a couple of knees, and the Jaguars hit a chip shot field goal to win.

Except that a 20-yard field goal is not a guarantee. Jaguar fans should know what I'm talking about, and Saints fans -- the non-bandwagon ones anyway -- are nodding their heads. Still, credit to the embattled Jack Del Rio for orchestrating the affair. Really, Jones-Drew's apology to his fantasy owners (including himself) after the game was just icing on the cake.

Candy Lineup Performance of the Week: It was a rough week for the Vintage Pastries, as they lost big to Gi's Cashmere Sweaters. But the VPs weren't helped by the performance of Tampa Bay's Mike Clayton, who collected a mere three yards receiving. Adding insult to injury, Minnesota's Sidney Rice went for over 200 yards, while Buffalo's Lee Evans caught two touchdowns. Both players' contributions went for naught, however.

Last week, you the reading audience correctly predicted Kurt Warner (25 points) would have more fantasy points than Joe Flacco (6). So, of the three receivers, which would you start this week? Poll's on the right; let's make it two in a row.

RWPilk

Current Standing: 5-5, tied for 7th overall

Well, it was a lop-sided but victorious week for the Sweet Fancy Moses. I got big numbers from the likes of WR Marshall, WR Wayne, and the cheese head DST. Alright gentlemen, take 5. You've made your mothers proud.

One thing that did fall this week, however, is my coaching rating (based on how many points you leave on your bench). Although it hasn't come up, I've been mighty proud to say my coaching rating has been pretty high this season. But, this week I left three touchdowns on my bench. That's business as usual for Cole, but not me. My bench never has that talent. Eagles WR Maclin and Rams WR Avery put up really nice numbers this week while riding the pine. It's probably a fluke, but with WR Miles Austin stinkin' up the joint this week, and RB Brian Westbrook suffering a second concussion, it's good to have options.

Alright, Sweet Fancy Moses. Four weeks to go. Don't fail me know.

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Week 7 Recap: Tables Turning?

-Yeah, you! Let's get with the freakin' program, shall we?-

It only took half of the fantasy football season, but finally our two authors are locked in mortal combat with close records. Cole has thus far had the lion's share of wins, but after RWPilk's narrow victory this week, only one "w" separates them! How could this be? And why would anyone abbreviate a one syllable word with a three syllable initial? Before a sissy slapping session breaks out, let's go to them now for the gory, gory details!

Cole

Current Standing: 5-2, 4th Overall

Let's take a mystery player now. Said mystery player accumulated 34 rushing yards with a touchdown, and 115 receiving yards with a touchdown. That's a pretty good week, right? You'd pick up that receiver; he's clearly an integral part of his team's offense.

Well, rush to your waiver wires and see if JerReggieMatt Olson-BreastBowe is available. Because that was the output of SIX players for me this week. Six.

Needless to say, I lost, despite my opponent having a week so bad he's contemplating honor suicide. Fortunately for you, dear reader(s), I have no honor, so I will continue blogging.

But I'm not all brickbats and profanities this week. As it turns out, every other team in my division lost as well, so I still have a three-game league with seven weeks until the playoffs. And Chris Johnson and Ray Rice will be coming off byes, as is runner-up bust of the year Calvin Johnson. Between these three guys, I should be able to put up enough offense to at least have a respectable game against the league leader...right?

RWPilk

Current Standing: 4-3, 7th overall

Dear WR Miles Austin,

I know you won't be this good every week. But welcome aboard anyway and thanks for not making me look like a complete idiot. Somewhere in the distance, I can hear your predecessor, T.O., scoring less than 5 points.

Sincerely,
RWPilk

Phew. I won by a single point this week. And while I'm happy to now have a competitive, winning record against Cole, I'd be lying if my future looked bright. Last night in MNF, BOTH TE Cooley and Westbrook (surprise!) were hurt, as was WR Reggie Wayne. And I'm still in 7th overall; my division is tough. I'll also be on the waiver wire for some small potatoes players and forced to keep RBs Bradshaw and Johnson in (5 point total this week). Good God. If I wasn't hanging on for dear life to the few decent players I do have, I'd consider a trade. Instead, you may just find me in a Sunday afternoon fetal position in front of the TV, praying.

And I never pray.

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Post-Draft Hangover

-What do you mean I'm in the wrong building!?-

And so the mighty draft came to pass... and it was good? We won't really know until we start putting some numbers on the board, but as the disciples of sports fandom and people who watch Lost know, it's fun to speculate! Will Brandon Marshall get his ducks in a row in time for RWPilk to benefit? What will Cole do if Michael Vick gobbles up some of McNabb's QB pie? Are there polar bears involved? We go live to the draft machines themselves for some answers... And be sure to visit our poll on our right hand side bar and let us know what you think.

Cole
Draft Pick Position: 3rd
First Round Pick: Matt Forte (RB)

I think a lot of people feel like they improved their drafts over last week's, which is good, but clearly everyone can't have improved. Either way, no one is more excited than I am that we got to redo that draft from last week, because this might be the best draft I've ever had.

Look at it! Look at that sweet, sweet RB action. One of the top four players overall in Forte, another first-round talent in Chris Johnson (and his handcuff/touchdown vulture, LenDale White), Ray Rice in the seventh round, Felix Jones in the eighth, Reggie Bush in the ninth?! Come on. And then there's my receivers: Calvin Johnson is a top five receiver and I snagged him in the third round. Dwayne Bowe is a top 10 receiver in some publications and I got him in the fourth. What's that? Cassel's hurt and Bowe's production might suffer? Oh, well then let me throw in mid-round talent Jerricho Cotchery, whom I got in the 11th round, or 14th-round "flyer" Nate Washington. And my tight end? Greg Olson, who lasted until the 10th round, the 11th TE picked in the league. Everyone I read has him as a top-five talent at the position.

And yeah, McNabb is an injury risk, but so is everyone in fantasy football. And for once, McNabb has the weapons to be truly dangerous (assuming he stays upright). With young guns like DeSean Jackson, LeSean McCoy, and Jeremy Maclin, Andy Reid finally has more options than "Brian Westbrook and pray".

Usually, in a 12-team draft, you'd expect to get around eight or nine of the top 100 players. I picked up 11 according to CBS Sportsline, and three of their top 15.

RWPilk
Draft Pick Position: 4th
First Round Pick: Drew Brees (QB)

The draft is finished and I'm glad. I was beginning to forget why we started this site to begin with. As you all know, we had a bit of misfire last week with out draft when the draft got voided. I was pleased with that draft. I'm as pleased with this one. I had my eye on Housh and Favre (for a back-up QB this time, he's a nice middle finger to all the football fans in my league) but didn't get them. Still, Brees was high on the list of must haves according to our draft listings, so I snatched him up. I also got T.O. and Brandon Marshall, two bad boy rebels with a problem with authority, but possessing raw talent. So, I rolled the dice. I hope they get their stuff together for some hard-playing, and drive me into some victories wearing their leather jackets on their Harley-Davidson motorcycles.

What do I think of the competition? Well, to prove myself right, I ONLY have to beat Cole. And what do I see? A list of nobodies. How many of your players have reality shows, Colebag? How many are suspended? How many defenses of yours have soft schedules? How many? That's right. Bagel. Cole's first pick is some guy named Forte. I went to elementary school with a guy named Forte. He was twice our size and we threw erasers at him. I'm about as intimidated. Bring it.

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