En Passant ... Out.

-Perhaps I should castle. Castle? New Castle? Beer? Mmmmm...-

RWPilk

Yeah, it's a chess move pun. Deal with it.

Since we're about to dive deep into full-on football mode in the next few months (with a garnish of Red Sox fist-shaking), I figured it might be fun to write about another sport, as we do here and there at SSFA!. Dunno if we can really consider this a sport or not, but it was covered by ESPN a few days ago.

Chess usually doesn't come to mind when you think about opportunities to play your rockstar card, but tell that to French Chess Grandmaster Vladislav Tkachiev. Ol' Vlad-face showed up to a big match in India so drunk he fell asleep after only 11 moves (11 moves and he hadn't won? What kind of grandmaster is this?) So sloshed was the Frenchman that the officials couldn't wake him and defaulted the win to India's player Praveen Kumar.

My favorite detail of the story is that the actual technicality that Tkachiev was nailed with was not completing his move in the allotted hour and a half. Jesus. Does that mean they had to try and wake him for 90 minutes before they could officially call it? Did Kumar and the audience have to just sit there all that time while this guy drooled all over his rooks?

I certainly hope so. It amuses me. Is it Thursday yet?

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Don't Make Me Come Up There

- Above: David Ortiz (left) celebrates a big hit with Dustin Pedroia (center) and a bat boy (right). -

Cole

They say you don't really have a sports blog until three things happen: first, you make a prediction that proves laughable in hindsight; second, you live blog some random event; and third, you overload the site with every widget imaginable in a desperate attempt to drive up traffic.*

So now that I have a soapbox, I would be remiss if I didn't abuse the privilege. I'd like to call this article to your attention. Oh, sure, all you normal-heighted people laugh, but the pain we feel is as high as those cookies on top shelf in the cabinets.

That's not the only problem, though. Even our own vertically-challenged kind are perpetuating negative stereotypes:

"I could knock big guys on their fannies ... with speed and guile, guts and hustle," said Steve Cole [no relation], who eventually grew to 5 feet, 6 inches.

I hate that. I'm sick of hearing about all these big-hearted, come-up-short guys. It seems like every time David Eckstein (5'7") grounds out, or Wes Welker (5'9") make a five-yard catch in the flat, all you hear about is their grit. And their hustle. And their scrappiness. And I hate it. And I know I'm not alone.

You know, there are good athletes out there who are short as well. It's not like every athlete under six feet tall worships at the altar of Doug Flutie. There are several capable athletes out there incapable of touching the floor in a bar stool. Dustin Pedroia (5'7") followed his Rookie of the Year award in 2007 with an MVP award in 2008. Maurice Jones-Drew (5'6") is the Jaguars' top running back this year and an important fantasy option. Just ask any of the four remaining Detroit Lion fans what Barry Sanders (5'8") did in his prolific NFL career. Even in basketball, Spud Webb (5'6") and Nate Robinson (5'9") have shone, winning three Slam Dunk contests between the two of them. Robinson has even famously swatted away the 7'6" Yao Ming.

How about we celebrate these undersized athletes? I'm sure they have heart and gusto and whatever, but these guys can actually play too.

That's all I have to say on the subject, but I think I'm going to stay on this soapbox; if I jump, I can almost reach those cookies!

I'm sure I left out some important examples, so leave them in the comments. And no, we won't tell you to keep it short.

________
*-A hearty welcome to our Brussels-based reader(s)! Please send beer.

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A Cowboy Up Beat Down

-Score that play "666".-

Cole

You see that fight last night? When Youkilis charged the mound?

RWPilk
Indeed I did. Cleared the whole bench, I reckon. Another hissy fit.

Cole
It got me thinking... if you had to take one of the Sox, which one would you want to fight?

RWPilk
Hmmm... I don't know. Lowell? Didn't he just have hip surgery or something? Seems like the kind of guy you could knock over if you bopped him on the head with his own AARP subscription.

Cole
Not a bad option, except that he can probably bludgeon you with his eyebrows or something. And he's popular, everyone's gonna rush to his defense. What you need is someone everyone wants to hit anyway, like Manny last year. How about Saito? He's new, he's got the language barrier, he's a bullpen guy anyway. Either that or Smoltz, who's even newer and over 40 -- Lowell's only 35; Smoltz could've been his babysitter or something.

RWPilk
I'm not hitting Manny. I love Manny. But, fine. If I swipe someone's walker from underneath them, it'll be Smoltz. Well, as long as he's not like working out a bunch. He's gotta lot of time on his hands now. Who you got?

Cole
Well, all right, agreed: Manny's cool. There was that whole shoving match incident last year with Youkilis. Everyone sided with Manny on that. So if I have to pick someone under 30, I'd go Youkilis. He looks like he deserves it, with all those strike out hissy fits.

RWPilk
Youkilis!? Jesus. I don't want to rumble with him. He looks like something that they had to slay in the Lord of the Rings. And you seem him throw that helmet last night? Catapult-like accuracy!

Cole
Well he was the bad guy in Hellboy...but how about you? Pick on someone your own age, or at least closer.

RWPilk
Hmmm. Alright. Rocco then. At least my mitochondria work. Advantage!

Cole
Two geezers and a cripple? Awesome.

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