Don't Make Me Come Up There

- Above: David Ortiz (left) celebrates a big hit with Dustin Pedroia (center) and a bat boy (right). -

Cole

They say you don't really have a sports blog until three things happen: first, you make a prediction that proves laughable in hindsight; second, you live blog some random event; and third, you overload the site with every widget imaginable in a desperate attempt to drive up traffic.*

So now that I have a soapbox, I would be remiss if I didn't abuse the privilege. I'd like to call this article to your attention. Oh, sure, all you normal-heighted people laugh, but the pain we feel is as high as those cookies on top shelf in the cabinets.

That's not the only problem, though. Even our own vertically-challenged kind are perpetuating negative stereotypes:

"I could knock big guys on their fannies ... with speed and guile, guts and hustle," said Steve Cole [no relation], who eventually grew to 5 feet, 6 inches.

I hate that. I'm sick of hearing about all these big-hearted, come-up-short guys. It seems like every time David Eckstein (5'7") grounds out, or Wes Welker (5'9") make a five-yard catch in the flat, all you hear about is their grit. And their hustle. And their scrappiness. And I hate it. And I know I'm not alone.

You know, there are good athletes out there who are short as well. It's not like every athlete under six feet tall worships at the altar of Doug Flutie. There are several capable athletes out there incapable of touching the floor in a bar stool. Dustin Pedroia (5'7") followed his Rookie of the Year award in 2007 with an MVP award in 2008. Maurice Jones-Drew (5'6") is the Jaguars' top running back this year and an important fantasy option. Just ask any of the four remaining Detroit Lion fans what Barry Sanders (5'8") did in his prolific NFL career. Even in basketball, Spud Webb (5'6") and Nate Robinson (5'9") have shone, winning three Slam Dunk contests between the two of them. Robinson has even famously swatted away the 7'6" Yao Ming.

How about we celebrate these undersized athletes? I'm sure they have heart and gusto and whatever, but these guys can actually play too.

That's all I have to say on the subject, but I think I'm going to stay on this soapbox; if I jump, I can almost reach those cookies!

I'm sure I left out some important examples, so leave them in the comments. And no, we won't tell you to keep it short.

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*-A hearty welcome to our Brussels-based reader(s)! Please send beer.

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2009 NFL Preview: A Draft I Can't Drink? Lame.

-Housh! Behind you!-

RWPilk

The other day, I'm passing Cole in the hallway, so I'm like "What up, shrimp-wad?!" and he's like "We should each write up a draft preview post." Sigh. It's always something else with this guy. "Get off the coffee table!" "Make your own omlet!" "Don't use my toothbrush for that!" Nag, nag.

I'm not looking forward to our live draft. I honestly believe that an automated draft would serve me better than a live one. Me doing a live draft is like someone bobbing for apples: they all look the same to me, I'm just gonna keep the one that happens to land in my mouth. Pause? Eh, close enough.

But here we go, here are a few players I'll keep an eye out for:

T.J. Houshmandzadeh (WR Seattle Seahawks) - You gotta like a guy that's so confident in his performance, he's staging a one-man boycott of Madden 2009 because of a low player rating. C'mon EA Sports, y'all can't do TJ like this! Anyway, I just like being able to yell "WHOSYAMOMMA!!!" at the TV when he makes a play. Beer might be involved.

Chad Pennington (QB Miami Dolphins) - Ah, the first victim of Brett Favre's hostile post-"retirement" NFL takeover. I don't know, I just like the story of a guy who got unfairly bumbed to a miserable team, and immediately had a respectable season (#2 pick for MVP, under Peyton). And a lot of room to still move up. Eat it, Favre.

Randy Moss (WR New England Patriots) - No brainer, but with a little extra mustard: Tom Brady hasn't been on the field in nearly a year. Sure, maybe if that Super Bowl had been won, if he hadn't hurt his knee, Tom would be kicking back, tossing passies to Welker, Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc, or whoever else is catching passes for the Pats. But I know Tom's type. He knows eyes are on him and he wants to shut up any doubts. He'll go to the Tubbs to his Crockett: The Moss Man.

The Detroit Lions Defense - Don't question it. They're just gonna pull it together this season. I got a feeling. A feeling, or a brain tumor. One of those.

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