Week 8 Preview: How Ya Doin?

-You predictable bastard.-

The boys are lazy and busy prepping for the house Halloween party, but that's no reason to deprive you of a Week 8 preview. Continuing the theme of coercing roommates into writing, SSFA! presents roomate #4 (and current Seinfeld League points leader) Gi to the fray to discuss her upcoming matchup with Cole. Take it away!

Gi

Current Standing: 5-2, 1st overall

What do men know about the finer things in life? I can guarantee you Cole and Pilks spend a lot less time eating oysters than they do downing $2 PBRs. And yelling at cats? That's my cat you jerks! And she's just...special! We should embrace our differences!...

Alright, she can be a little obnoxious.

Anyway, I am the token female football fan in the merry little band that is our house. Both the gents are sucking at fantasy so far, so they asked me to go ahead and write the week 8 preview. Gladly!

Now first of all, I am playing Cole this weekend, and kids - he's in for a swift kick in the pants. I have taken over his spot as top of the league and there is no way he can have it back. CBS Sports is giving me 121 points over his 100, but we all know how reliable *that* is, so instead let's take a look at who we have playing:

Cashmere Sweater:
Peyton Manning (QB)
DeAngelo Williams (RB)
Ryan Grant (RB)
Mike Sims-Walker (WR)
DeSean Jackson (WR)
Tony Gonzalez (TE) (ATL)
Steve Smith (Flex) (CAR)
David Akers (K)
Chargers (Def)

Flabby-Armed:
Donovan McNabb (QB)
Chris Johnson (RB)
Matt Forte (RB)
Calvin Johnson (WR)
Brian Hartline (WR)
Greg Olsen (TE)
Ray Rice (Flex)
Lawrence Tynes (K)
Saints (Def)

Now, I am an Eagles fan, don't get me wrong. Nothing makes me happier than watching McNabb take the field in all his glory... but let's face it, the man isn't getting any younger and he's injury prone. The Giants Defense ain't nothin' to sneeze at either. I think the Eagles have a good shot at this game, but I'm expecting short passes and long runs, so I'm not too worried about McNabb outscoring my boy Peyton, who is at the top of his career and skill level. Peyton, beautiful man that he is, had over 300 yards in each of his first 6 games, and on Sunday he'll be bring that formidable talent against the 49ers, whose defense we will politely call NOT formidable.

When all is said and done, our WR/RB/TE pretty much match up evenly so let's skip further down. Kickers don't count for much in Fantasy, but oh man do I love me some David Akers. He has been a solid 10 points for me every week but one this season, and I love to see him work for my Eagles. To be frank, I don't know who Tines is, but in my world no one is better than Akers so :oP (And yes, Cole has scolded me numerous times for being a fan of a kicker, but I know talent when I can see it).

Finally, let's check out our Defenses. The Chargers have been a solid D all season for me and this weekend they're playing the flabby armed spanking machine that is the Raiders offense so I'm feeling pretty confident to be honest. (We're going to ignore the freak show that was week 6 Raiders vs PHI). Cole has the Saints D, and while it's sweet that he's so loyal to his favorite team, they did give up 34 points last week and are playing a fairly solid Falcons this week so... I'm imagining a pretty wah wah score outta them.

Moving past that - games to watch this weekend. Of course I'm going to be keeping an eye on the Eagles/Giants game. Division rivals and decent teams both (when the Eagles bother to play well), I think this game has a lot of potential. Miami/Jets also has potential, especially since I'm from Jersey, and there we consider this a pretty good rivalry. I think I'll keep up with the Chargers/Raiders game as well because hey, everyone likes a good mauling.

And let's end on that note ladies and gentlemen, a mauling. Because that's what Cole has to look forward to this weekend, when the Cashmere Sweater (speaking of the finer things in life), shows him exactly how painful a spanking machine can be. Pause.

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2009 NFL Preview: Tuck Rule, My A**

-So, this is what it feels like to sack you, Tom. I didn't know it would be so... sensual.-

RWPilk

So Bryan tells me we should do an NFL preview for the coming season. Okay. But I'll be honest, there are only a few things I know about football this season:

1.) The San Diego Chargers are cool with fining players like Antonio Cromartie for using Twitter to report on training camp conditions (c'mon guys, lighten up).

2.) Tom Brady is returning as QB to the Patriots.

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like Tom Brady. Not one bit. But with good reason. New England fans piss and moan that it's actually Bret Favre that get gets crammed down everyone's throat every year, but it ain't. It's Tom Terrific. It doesn't matter if hasn't set foot on the field all season. It doesn't matter that Matt Cassel is out there killing himself, making plays. No one, not fans, not sports writers, not even the friggin' sportscasters announcing games the Pats aren't even playing in can shut up about Tom Brady. The whole New England region is one giant, salivating, 24-hour Tom Brady zone. Seriously. Believe it, somewhere in MA, taxpayer money is being used to put together a stain glass window of this guy.

And it's not even the fact that his mug is plastered over every advertising medium you can think of (Don't believe me?), it's all this “Greatest Ever” talk. You can't decide that yet. And even if you could, a Super Bowl loser who gets fed plays through his helmet from a team caught cheating is the best ever? Ever? C'mon, New England. Cocky is one thing. Delusional is another. And not for nothing, but when Bledsoe was hurt, he was on the sidelines, helping Tom cut his teeth. When Tom got hurt, he went to California to bang his super model girlfriend. Yeah, I'll throw in another: at the height of his fame, Bledsoe wrote a children's book. At the height of his, Tom broke up with his pregnant girlfriend.

But that's just me being bitter. I get it. This is sports, not an after-school special. So, Tom Terrific is coming back after a 2008 hiatus and, from what I hear, coming off a pretty notorious type of knee injury. All reports is that he's doing well in training camp, looking top form. Big surprise, I'm sure he'll still be an early grab in many fantasy drafts. I don't know how “top form” a guy is when you want him to be scrambling in the pocket and he has trouble operating a kayak. But whatever. 2009 is the official return of Tom Brady and I can hear the collective lips an entire nation of sports fans pucking up.

I'm already practicing my scowl.

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