Week 5 Preview: Hello, Goodbye

-Return of the Bed Guy.-

Five weeks have already passed and a wide deficit gapes between our authors. But who knows how the chips will fall with Week 5? Both Cole and RWPilk are getting valuable players back from injuries and face some crucial bye weeks. So let the speculation and yo mama jokes fly. It's Week 5. 'Nuff said. And don't forget to check out our MLB Playoff Poll to your right!

Cole

Current Standing: 3-1, 1st Overall

After two months, still not 100 percent sure I can run a sports blog, but "yo mama" jokes? Those I can handle. Yo mama's so old her sex tape is on Laserdisc! Oh whoops. After review, Pilk's playing against his mother this week so the ruling on the yo mama jokes has been overturned. Common decency will not be charged with a timeout.

Fine, back to football. We're just into that awkward bye week portion of the schedule, where everyone gets screwed over a couple of times by star players on the bench. This week my opponent (Pilk's dad, in a caramel-covered piece of syrupy sweet irony) is forced to sit Phillip Rivers and Antonio Gates, while your humble narrator gets Donovan McNabb back for at least the first eight minutes of Sunday's blowout vs. Tampa (too soon, Pats fans?).

I can't decide if I'm excited about this matchup or not: I get my final week out of Glen Coffee before Frank Gore returns to the scene, and Dwayne Bowe returns to mediocrity. Which reminds me, how many football players are aware of the fact they have more impact in fantasy football than in the NFL? I have players from the Titans, the Lions, the Chiefs, none of those teams are going anywhere. If you're Larry Johnson and you break a long run, do you dive for the pylon like in a video game and deliberately miss, just to see if you can hear hundreds of owners collectively scream until they have aneurysms? Do you fake injuries all week so everyone sits you, and then play at full speed on Sunday? It's a long season for these guys, they gotta do something other than watch film and not everyone tweets. Just something to consider.

RWPilk

Current Standing: 1-3, 9th Overall

I'll be blunt with you, folks. I need a win this week.

There's just no two ways around it. Looking at my roster, I do have a little hope. For one thing, Brian Westbrook is back, and, if practice is any indication, at 100%. Great. It's still up in the air whether or not Larry Johnson or Ahmad Bradshaw will fill my second slot... but neither are really sterling choices. My other big move this week (on the Packers DST bye) was picking up the Bills D for their match up against the Browns. Call me crazy, but I like that move, and it's certainly better than playing my former bench D, the Seahawks. Gross.

The other big change is QB David Garrard, in for Drew Brees on his bye. Garrard had a big week last week and is now facing Seattle in Week 5. Not too shabby. I go forth with cautious optimism. That and a deep yearning that Cole bites it Sunday. Is that too much to ask, Jesus?

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Post-Draft Hangover

-What do you mean I'm in the wrong building!?-

And so the mighty draft came to pass... and it was good? We won't really know until we start putting some numbers on the board, but as the disciples of sports fandom and people who watch Lost know, it's fun to speculate! Will Brandon Marshall get his ducks in a row in time for RWPilk to benefit? What will Cole do if Michael Vick gobbles up some of McNabb's QB pie? Are there polar bears involved? We go live to the draft machines themselves for some answers... And be sure to visit our poll on our right hand side bar and let us know what you think.

Cole
Draft Pick Position: 3rd
First Round Pick: Matt Forte (RB)

I think a lot of people feel like they improved their drafts over last week's, which is good, but clearly everyone can't have improved. Either way, no one is more excited than I am that we got to redo that draft from last week, because this might be the best draft I've ever had.

Look at it! Look at that sweet, sweet RB action. One of the top four players overall in Forte, another first-round talent in Chris Johnson (and his handcuff/touchdown vulture, LenDale White), Ray Rice in the seventh round, Felix Jones in the eighth, Reggie Bush in the ninth?! Come on. And then there's my receivers: Calvin Johnson is a top five receiver and I snagged him in the third round. Dwayne Bowe is a top 10 receiver in some publications and I got him in the fourth. What's that? Cassel's hurt and Bowe's production might suffer? Oh, well then let me throw in mid-round talent Jerricho Cotchery, whom I got in the 11th round, or 14th-round "flyer" Nate Washington. And my tight end? Greg Olson, who lasted until the 10th round, the 11th TE picked in the league. Everyone I read has him as a top-five talent at the position.

And yeah, McNabb is an injury risk, but so is everyone in fantasy football. And for once, McNabb has the weapons to be truly dangerous (assuming he stays upright). With young guns like DeSean Jackson, LeSean McCoy, and Jeremy Maclin, Andy Reid finally has more options than "Brian Westbrook and pray".

Usually, in a 12-team draft, you'd expect to get around eight or nine of the top 100 players. I picked up 11 according to CBS Sportsline, and three of their top 15.

RWPilk
Draft Pick Position: 4th
First Round Pick: Drew Brees (QB)

The draft is finished and I'm glad. I was beginning to forget why we started this site to begin with. As you all know, we had a bit of misfire last week with out draft when the draft got voided. I was pleased with that draft. I'm as pleased with this one. I had my eye on Housh and Favre (for a back-up QB this time, he's a nice middle finger to all the football fans in my league) but didn't get them. Still, Brees was high on the list of must haves according to our draft listings, so I snatched him up. I also got T.O. and Brandon Marshall, two bad boy rebels with a problem with authority, but possessing raw talent. So, I rolled the dice. I hope they get their stuff together for some hard-playing, and drive me into some victories wearing their leather jackets on their Harley-Davidson motorcycles.

What do I think of the competition? Well, to prove myself right, I ONLY have to beat Cole. And what do I see? A list of nobodies. How many of your players have reality shows, Colebag? How many are suspended? How many defenses of yours have soft schedules? How many? That's right. Bagel. Cole's first pick is some guy named Forte. I went to elementary school with a guy named Forte. He was twice our size and we threw erasers at him. I'm about as intimidated. Bring it.

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