Thursday, August 20, 2009

2009 NFL Preview: A Draft I Can't Drink? Lame.

-Housh! Behind you!-


The other day, I'm passing Cole in the hallway, so I'm like "What up, shrimp-wad?!" and he's like "We should each write up a draft preview post." Sigh. It's always something else with this guy. "Get off the coffee table!" "Make your own omlet!" "Don't use my toothbrush for that!" Nag, nag.

I'm not looking forward to our live draft. I honestly believe that an automated draft would serve me better than a live one. Me doing a live draft is like someone bobbing for apples: they all look the same to me, I'm just gonna keep the one that happens to land in my mouth. Pause? Eh, close enough.

But here we go, here are a few players I'll keep an eye out for:

T.J. Houshmandzadeh (WR Seattle Seahawks) - You gotta like a guy that's so confident in his performance, he's staging a one-man boycott of Madden 2009 because of a low player rating. C'mon EA Sports, y'all can't do TJ like this! Anyway, I just like being able to yell "WHOSYAMOMMA!!!" at the TV when he makes a play. Beer might be involved.

Chad Pennington (QB Miami Dolphins) - Ah, the first victim of Brett Favre's hostile post-"retirement" NFL takeover. I don't know, I just like the story of a guy who got unfairly bumbed to a miserable team, and immediately had a respectable season (#2 pick for MVP, under Peyton). And a lot of room to still move up. Eat it, Favre.

Randy Moss (WR New England Patriots) - No brainer, but with a little extra mustard: Tom Brady hasn't been on the field in nearly a year. Sure, maybe if that Super Bowl had been won, if he hadn't hurt his knee, Tom would be kicking back, tossing passies to Welker, Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc, or whoever else is catching passes for the Pats. But I know Tom's type. He knows eyes are on him and he wants to shut up any doubts. He'll go to the Tubbs to his Crockett: The Moss Man.

The Detroit Lions Defense - Don't question it. They're just gonna pull it together this season. I got a feeling. A feeling, or a brain tumor. One of those.


  1. Very sage advice - I think I'll take the Lions with the 1st pick!

  2. @Anonymous: Think "brain tumor" on the Lions' thing, rather than "gut instinct".

    Definitely "brain tumor".