Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Oh, Big Surprise

-Ready to rape/pillage/suck thumb.-


I know three things about Brett Favre. He played for Green Bay, likes Wrangler jeans, and is finally retired. Oh, what's that FOX News? I only know two things? Aw.

According to multiple sources yesterday, most notably Jay Glazer from ministry of truth, FOX News, there's a whole lot of whispering, snickering, and note-passing going at Vikings training camp claiming Favre will be on the team for 2009 season. As one can imagine, the sports news media at large is piddling all over themselves.

I don't really give a toss either way. How good is an aging athlete going to be when he's juggled around different offenses every year? Probably not that good, and even I know not to put him on any fantasy draft "must-have" list. But c'mon, Favre. A little showmanship? What are you going to do, win another Super Bowl? Does Michael Jordan ring any bells? A franchise player who went out on top as one of the best ever... then squandered his legendary status sucking in his twilight years, bouncing around b-teams. Does anyone even know what team MJ even ended up playing for? The Nuggets or something? Might as well have been the Generals.

See, same thing happened on the X-Files. Duchovny couldn't just bow out. Had to keep coming back. Mulder was abducted, then he was an alien clone, then he was dead, then he came back alive... just to disappear again. C'mon, Mulder! You can't foil the feds' alien super-soldier plot with such flip-floppery! Scully's fragile, crusading heart can only take so much!

Anyway. I digress. Whatever, Brett. Squander away.

Sweet, Sweet Update Action!: As of this morning, Favre officially signed. Oh, good for you, cochise, knocking another QB with an actual career AHEAD of them back to the bench. We're all impressed. Sage Rosenfels, too. You gonna get tackled so hard you helicopter over seven yards and make me shoot Mr. Pibb out of my nose? No, I don't think so.


  1. I don't really care for the Packers, or the Vikings, or football in general, but Brett Favre is the biggest douchebag in all of sports. That includes A-Rod, Kobe, everyone. Favre is the worst. I'd rather have Sean Avery babysit than have to watch Favre play again. I hope he only throws interceptions and then gets "arm fatigue" in week 3.

  2. I know it. What a douche. Just take solace in the fact that everyone will now remember him as a desperate "glory days" jock who's locked, white-knuckled on the sputtering last breaths of a career.