Thursday, August 6, 2009

Why Ortiz Tested Positive

-You gotta see my doctor. He's the best, David, the best! Mwhahaha!-


Thoughts for the day, as I wonder whatever happened to the Devil Rays I used to know and love:

    Huh. So that's that.

  • Speaking of Ortiz, those of you who have been subjected to his impenetrable accent must be thrilled about the new public service announcement he stars in with Boston Mayor Tom Menino, or as he's known colloquially, "Mumbles". I can't quite make out exactly what the ad is for, but I can only assume it's the Charlie Brown Teachers' Union. I'm actually a little disappointed in the Internet, because I can't find this video anywhere. Fine. How about a cat running on the field? Will that suffice?
  • The Ortiz/Ramirez debacle has led to all manner of ridiculous sentiments, but none worse than this one, from ESPN's Patrick Hruby:

      Joint steroid taint forces Major League Baseball to void 2004 postseason victories for New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox, award World Series title to runner-up St. Louis Cardinals. Oh, wait. That will never happen. Bobby Bowden picked the wrong sport.

    Well, congratulations St. Louis. I'm happy for you and certainly glad none of your recent teams have any sort of steroid tai -- whoops. Look, I expect plenty of "Boston Roid Sox" jokes now on, and I won't argue with them, but don't try and tell me the World Series victories deserve some sort of asterisk, because here is a complete list of every team that was totally clean during the steroid period:


    Does that make it right? Of course not. But let's just accept that it happened and prevent it from happening in the future. And don't get me started on that Bobby Bowden quip; I'll talk about the NCAA some other time.

  • Three runs over six innings? That's Brad Penny-level quality. Guess you just have to tip your hat and call the Trenton Thunder your daddy. (Actually, can we talk about how he struck out 11 on 82 pitches? I don't care what level he's throwing at, that's tough to do. Pretty sure he's healthy.)

  • And lastly, may I be the first to congratulate the Yankees on collecting their first win against the Red Sox in 2009. As much fun as it was pretending this could last all season, you knew it was just a matter of time, especially once Francona put John "White Flag" Smoltz on the hill.


  1. We all know that I'm at best a fair-weather Yankees fan. I've also made my dislike for A-rod clear since he sauntered into Yankee stadium...even so, you can hardly blame him for Ortiz' foibles. Although they probably both had the same drug wiht the non-english name that their brother-in-law's cousin's friend picked up for them from DR.

  2. I believe the word you're looking for is, "sashayed". He shashayed into Yankee Stadium. And I'm not really blaming A-Rod; as you'll note from the video, I'm clearly blaming Posada.

    In all seriousness though, the DR point is legit, and it's scary when you think of other players from the Dominican. Like Pujols. His name keeps surfacing (however unwarranted) in these rumors, and I know a lot of reporters who would jump the Gateway Arch if that turned out to be the case.

  3. Now on DVD: Stumble in the Bronx starring John Smoltz. Get it? Because he sucks?

  4. Stumble, eh? Not bad, Nick.

    Perhaps a walker would help. With tennis balls on the tips. Yeah.