Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Time To Start Tailgating

- Autumn: when a young man's fancy tu -- hey! What did I tell you?! -

Yes, it's that time of year again. Look over on ESPN and all you see are page after page of preseason prog -- hey! And if you can tear yourself away from those, there's always trouble brewing in the form of contract nego -- stop it! Anyway, if that's not enough for you, there's always the SportsNation polls, which -- Rubio?! oh come on!

Whatever. It's football season, dammit, and everyone knows it. (Even the Worldwide Leader, cherry-picking notwithstanding). High school games have already started in some parts of the country, and the college variety kicks off tomorrow with nine Division I-A games on the slate. The highlight of the night may well be the Oregon-Boise State game that features two top-25 teams, but I'll be over on ESPNU watching the North Texas-Ball State battle, a game I'm forced to refer to as the "North Texas/Balls Bowl", as a weak homage to our sometime-commenter.

For those of you who can't stand the farce of allegedly amateur college athletics, there's the usual NFL headaches piling up. The latest involves Broncos wideout Brandon Marshall, suspended indefinitely for stealing head coach Josh McDaniels' Pez dispenser or something, and a potential trade to the Jets. Only the Broncos don't want to trade him, because they know they'll get pennies on the dollar for him and would rather have a top flight receiver. And plus, McDaniels used to work for the Patriots, who have this longstanding antipathy towards the New York Jets, and then Maria slept with everybody, and Matt Cassel's evil twin is...

Wait. I got a bit confused because I'm working from home this week, and the soap operas are only confusing things for me. Regardless, it's a good thing no one's saving this drama for their mamas, because that means one more potential matchup the Tony Kornheisers of the world don't have to work to discuss. Broncos-Jets? Brandon-Marshall-Gate! Jets-Vikings? That-Guy-Whose-Name-I-Refuse-To-Mention-Gate! Eagles-Browns? Hey-It's-Puppy-Killer-Mike-Vick-Against-A-Team-Whose-Name-Is-Tangentially-Related-To-Dogs-Maybe-Gate! Broncos-Vikings? The-Extremely-Unhappy-Quarterback-Wide-Receiver-Tandem-Gate! Exciting.*

Now, though, it's time for me to start getting ready for Seinfeld League Draft 2: Draft Harder. Otherwise, how am I supposed to compete with these people?

*-Well, except for the fact that none of these matchups are scheduled for the regular season. But you get the idea.

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