Friday, September 25, 2009

Week 3 Preview: Chicken Soup for Your Score

-Everyone still mad at me? Hahaha-- whaaa-choo!-

The leaves are changing. The breeze is cooling. And Week 3 is upon us. As Cole and RWPilk take in the aromas of pumpkin ale, dying leaves, and sweet, sweet victory (maybe...), both have already had to face tough roster decisions due to injuries; star players biting the dust and riding the pine. How will Week 3 go? We cut to Tweedle Dee and Dum now for their highly informed, panic-driven guesses. And make sure to check out our new poll, immediately to your right!

Current Standing: 2-0, 2nd Overall
I realized awhile ago that I was in a lose-lose situation with this league. Win, and it's because I'm supposed to beat Rob. But if I don't, do you think he's going to shut up about it? I know a guy who still brags about the fact he beat me in a geography bee in 7th grade.

And fantasy sports is a whole lot of luck, a theory I will present through a play in one act.

[Enter COLE stage right. He looks frazzled and is carrying a laptop.]
COLE: All right! McNabb ran for a touchdown!
[Refreshes his browser.]
COLE: Broken ribs?! That can't be good.
[Refreshes his browser again.]
COLE: Frank Gore -- 200 yards?!
[Refreshes his browser again.]
COLE: Oh good. Well thank you Chris Johnson.
[COLE exits stage left, mumbling to himself something about Donald Brown.]

But beyond that, let's talk injury reports. When I heard Marion Barber got hurt -- "could miss one to two weeks," they told me -- I remembered Felix Jones was on my bench and my pupils turned into dollar signs. Literally. I had to get new contact lenses and everything. By Wednesday, MBIII was playing according to ESPN and not playing according to CBS and I don't know what the hell to do with this guy. To say nothing of the "McRibb" debacle, which is slightly more satisfying than an actual McRib sandwich.

I don't know how confident I am this week; that stupid "Guru" is giving my opponent a four point advantage, which doesn't really mean a whole lot. As far as interesting matchups ... Dolphins-Chargers looks pretty cool. Maybe Colts-Cardinals will be good if Arizona's offense decides to show up. We now turn you over to Rob, who's still lovin' those bad boy receivers, right...?

Current Standing: 1-1, 5th Overall

Alright, I'm still 1st in my division but there's no two ways around it, I'm coming off a loss. I know, I know. There's a lot of football left. But I'm a bit of a perfectionist.

Looking at my roster, I see two glaring problems: Westbrook and Marshall. Westbrook is always hurt, thus say the football-familiar when looking at my team. Alright, fine. I might have to sit him, based on what I'm guessing will have to be Sunday morning reports. Marshall is also not looking as good. He's not even playing full games and is struggled with "a cold" this week, and dodged burning questions from unreasonable reporters, such as: "What in the **** is going on?!" Even though Denver is facing Oakland this week, Marshall has a poor history against the Raiders. It might be time to bench him until the Broncos organization decide to use this pro bowler. Dammit. All other fantasy Marshall owners, let's bring it in for a hug.

As for watching any actual match ups, I don't even know. I'm out of the loop this week. Did Barack win the election? Is Favre retired? Carlsberg is one hell of a drug.


  1. Gotta hang in there Cole! Beat Pilk into a pulp!!