Monday, September 21, 2009

Week 2 Recap: Points = Critical

-No! "End zone" is a major detail!-

And there goes Week 2! As Cole and RWPilk wave goodbye and tally more scores, the battle for fantasy sports theory rumbles on! It's still early, but already ugly. Let's go to our two gladiators now and assess the irreversible emotional damage. Also check out our brand spankin' new poll, immediately to your right!

Current Standing: 1-0, 6th Overall

I don't know what I did to Frank Gore, but I would like to apologize to him here and now. I've always believed in your abilities, Mr. Gore, sir. I for one never thought that Glen "Cuppa" Coffee was the answer to the 49ers' offensive woes (true answer: a quarterback); it's not like I didn't draft you on purpose. So why did you have to have your career week when you were starting for both of my opponents? 200+ yards and two scores? Great. At least YOU still like me, Chris Johnson. I owe you one.

What else have we learned here in week two? In order to maximize Rob's ire, I will present this as a bulleted list (he HATES those):
  • The Jets' defense is very, very good.
  • The Patriots' offensive line is very, very bad.
  • Joseph Addai : 2008 :: Matt Forte : 2009 (but I really hope not)
  • The Saints' defense can actually get you fantasy points with a good matchup, even though they can't actually stop people from scoring.
  • The Seahawks remain terrible at all things football-related.
  • Brian Westbrook and Donovan McNabb -- well, they are who we thought they were: namely, injury prone. Oh well. Newly-acquired backup Trent Edwards has games against the aforementioned Saints and Dolphins the next two week, and I'm praying that's a good thing. And that McNabb will be back after the Eagles' bye in week four. I don't want to have to pick up Matthew Stafford or something.

Current Standing: 1-0, Tied for 2nd Overall

A memo to everyone on my team not named "Brees": The end zone is that way.

God smite you all, you bunch of bums! Looking down my roster I see a bunch of very capable players who failed to put up double digits in Week 2. Cooley. Marshall. Oh, and thank you Westbrook for proving everyone right for one more year and having the physical resilience of a dandelion. Make a wish! Mine is that you somehow reach "probable" by Thursday. The only reason my team was able to tip-toe into the vicinity of decent is because Brees pitched a few doozies. My only hope for a victory tonight rests with Colts WR Reggie Wayne. Oh, and who's my opposing QB? Isn't there some commercial you could be shooting somewhere else, Peyton?

The only bright spot is that I wasn't the only one who had trouble finding the end zone this week. First TD-less game since 2006, Bill. Perhaps your new defensive "swiss cheese" and "old driftwood" formations still need a little work.

No comments:

Post a Comment